OK you guys! I think I am getting the hang of this "living my best life" thing. I have spent many of my 51 years on Earth living in fear. Our parents taught us to have a "healthy fear" of suspected dangers. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don't touch the stove because it's hot. Hold onto the handrail going down the steps when you are wearing your socks and DON'T RUN! So, basically before I had developed my language skills, I had developed fears in my life. Then, limitations were placed on me and I allowed them to anchor and take a firm hold. Limiting thoughts such as," I can't run faster than the boys.", "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.", "I'm not good at math." and "I need a boyfriend." became part of my vocabulary and part of who I was sure I was.
For me, it took a long time and a loving God for me to begin to embrace who I really am and what the truth about me really is. All of the statements above that were perceived by me to be true are false. Yes, I don't NEED a boyfriend but I would LIKE to have one at some point. :-) There is a good life for me and I am beginning to live it. I create my reality with my thoughts, words and actions. Just because something may have been true yesterday, does not make it true today (unless it is the word of God). I am committed to learning and growing and I have been, actively for the last 12 years. And as I apply the things that I have learned, it is becoming more evident that I am more willing to take what I would have considered as risks. I am more willing to ask bold questions that challenge rather than questions that produce safe, easy answers. I ask for access and knowledge that leads to access into places that are new for me. What's the worst anyone can say? NO. I think I have heard NO enough to be able to handle it one more time without crumbling into a blubbering pile of worthlessness.
So when you see me, I may look different and you might think it's my hair or my glasses. But it's what's under that hair and what's behind those glasses that has changed. Romans 12 verse 2 of the Holy Bible will give you a little more insight. Fear is not driving my actions or my decision-making. Love is the motivation behind my actions. Love for myself and love for those I come in contact with. And frankly, love for myself may take me out of some social circles. So, don't hate if we don't see each other as much as we used to. It's all good. I may just have to love you from a distance. But I still have love for you.
All of the small actions I take are beginning to take shape into a bigger and better life. There is a true transformation at hand. And the evidence is on the way. In three years, I am going to look back to 2018 and say, "WOW! Look at how far I have come!".
Showing posts with label Caregiver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Caregiver. Show all posts
It's Been 6 Months
Tuesday of this week marked 6 months since Mommy has been
gone from this physical plane. I am
still cleaning out her room, her closet and dresser. Still disbursing her items to those in need
and those who can be blessed, even now, by her generosity. I am still living with her personal items
around me everyday. At the same time, I
am working on turning my house back into my
house. I re-arranged my bedroom to the
way it was before I had to listen out nightly in case she needed
something. I got a new bed for myself
and moved my old bed into her room to make it a guest room.
In order to make room for my bed to go in, I moved my shoe
racks and my laundry hampers across the hall to the third bedroom. Once my bed was in place, I looked across the
hall to that room with my shoes so nicely lined up and thought to myself, “I
could make this whole room my closet if I wanted to!” Needless to say, I have yet to bring my shoes
back across the hall. I think the closet
idea is in the works!
I have seen a lot of co-workers face-to-face recently who
have called me “world traveler” because they see that I post from all sorts of
locations monthly. I have planned a trip
for myself for 7 of the 12 months of this year.
But really, that’s who I am. I
love to travel and I tried to do as much of it as I could when I was a primary
caregiver. Like I have said before, when
Mommy got her wings, I got mine too. And
we are both learning how to fly again.
I am making a lot of changes. But they are changes that bring the real “me”
back. And honor my respect for myself,
my body and this life that I have been given.
But I am only making changes as fast or slowly as I want to. I refuse to be stagnant or to live in the
past too much. Because that does me no
good and does not honor my Mom and the person that she helped mold me to
be. I am a lively, vibrant mover and
shaker. And I am always going to show
it. I also don’t feel any pressure to
finish moving all of her belonging and be completely finished at any specific
measure of time. I will get to it when I
get to it. When I feel up to it and I
can appreciate the work I am doing. Not dread it or be bummed out by it. It’s like creating little projects for myself
instead of one big ball of stuff that needs to be unraveled. So, I will just do the medicine drawers one
day. And just do the dresser top another
day. And just go through jewelry at a
different time. I will get done
eventually.
All in all, I am feeling pretty good about my progress and
moving along at my own pace. I still
feel honored that I got to play a role in my Mom’s life over her last decade
that was different from any other aspect of our relationship before her stroke. I know she is at peace and I am enjoying peace too.
Victory in Life and Death
I have to tell everyone who reads this that I know God works in my life and in the lives of those connected to me. And God was the orchestrator of the way things went with my Mom's passing. I don't think that we could have had a more loving, peaceful, harmonious atmosphere and experience than the one that we experienced. And I am content, peaceful and I have a good feeling in my soul that we did everything in the best, loving interest of my Mom. No regrets!
My family came together like never before and each one of us has a unique set of skills that we brought to the situation. I did a lot of the communication to allow people who wanted to spend time and say their goodbye's to get there in time. My brother was a supportive sounding board and has a way of connecting with people on a level that I just don't possess. And my sister-in-law came in for one very critical day and used all of her nursing powers to make sure that Mommy had the best and most appropriate care and we had the best environment to spend time with Mommy right up until the end.
She was surrounded by friends, family, her Pastors and lots of love as her final journey from this world began at 2pm on Tuesday afternoon. As midnight fell, the family decided we would go home to rest and come back in the morning. Just as we were going to leave, my brother said that he wanted to stay. So, my sister-in-law and I said goodnight to the two of them and we went home. After 10 years with my Mom, it is only fitting and right to allow my brother to have his time with Mommy too. Nothing could have been more perfect. I slept so deeply and comfortably. No tossing and turning. No dreams. No "to-do" lists running through my head.
At 6:02AM on Wednesday, November 1st, I heard my text message alert. I checked the phone and saw these 6 words "I think she just slipped away". I was in the hospital room by 6:18AM to say my very last goodbye to the best Mommy I have ever known.
As the day continued, Stevie and I went to have breakfast in one of Mommy's (and Daddy's) favorite restaurants. We set an appointment with the funeral home. My best friend joined us to do some of the heavy lifting for the day. We went and made arrangements for cremation. We purchased thank you cards. We reflected. We talked to family members and friends who needed to be notified on Mommy's passing. At about 4pm, I thought to myself, "I have seen her face for the last time." It wasn't a sad thought. It was a surprising thought. We went to bed at about 9PM on Wednesday night completely exhausted from the day's events but completely content that we did the best that we could do for our Mom.
The thought that I woke up with on Thursday morning was that Mommy got her wings and I did too. Both of us will have an adjustment time getting used to them. But we will both learn to use them again and soar to new heights in joy and in victory. Just like Mommy, I get a renewed freedom. I can accelerate my dreams. I can step out into the light and take a look around at what awaits me. I can help more people and I can do it in person to hold someone's hand and walk them through tough times like some that I have experienced over the years. I am excited about the future and sharing lessons I have learned with my Mom to others all over.
My family came together like never before and each one of us has a unique set of skills that we brought to the situation. I did a lot of the communication to allow people who wanted to spend time and say their goodbye's to get there in time. My brother was a supportive sounding board and has a way of connecting with people on a level that I just don't possess. And my sister-in-law came in for one very critical day and used all of her nursing powers to make sure that Mommy had the best and most appropriate care and we had the best environment to spend time with Mommy right up until the end.
She was surrounded by friends, family, her Pastors and lots of love as her final journey from this world began at 2pm on Tuesday afternoon. As midnight fell, the family decided we would go home to rest and come back in the morning. Just as we were going to leave, my brother said that he wanted to stay. So, my sister-in-law and I said goodnight to the two of them and we went home. After 10 years with my Mom, it is only fitting and right to allow my brother to have his time with Mommy too. Nothing could have been more perfect. I slept so deeply and comfortably. No tossing and turning. No dreams. No "to-do" lists running through my head.
At 6:02AM on Wednesday, November 1st, I heard my text message alert. I checked the phone and saw these 6 words "I think she just slipped away". I was in the hospital room by 6:18AM to say my very last goodbye to the best Mommy I have ever known.
As the day continued, Stevie and I went to have breakfast in one of Mommy's (and Daddy's) favorite restaurants. We set an appointment with the funeral home. My best friend joined us to do some of the heavy lifting for the day. We went and made arrangements for cremation. We purchased thank you cards. We reflected. We talked to family members and friends who needed to be notified on Mommy's passing. At about 4pm, I thought to myself, "I have seen her face for the last time." It wasn't a sad thought. It was a surprising thought. We went to bed at about 9PM on Wednesday night completely exhausted from the day's events but completely content that we did the best that we could do for our Mom.
The thought that I woke up with on Thursday morning was that Mommy got her wings and I did too. Both of us will have an adjustment time getting used to them. But we will both learn to use them again and soar to new heights in joy and in victory. Just like Mommy, I get a renewed freedom. I can accelerate my dreams. I can step out into the light and take a look around at what awaits me. I can help more people and I can do it in person to hold someone's hand and walk them through tough times like some that I have experienced over the years. I am excited about the future and sharing lessons I have learned with my Mom to others all over.
PCU
So the hospitalization continues. Thankfully, Mommy made it out of ICU. She is now in PCU, the medical progressive care unit. She has been in this unit for going on 7 days now. It allows eyes on her regularly and it allows the rapid response team (from ICU) to pop in on her and see how she is doing. She is still using the bipap at night to be able to breathe more easily. And during the day, she has the oxygen tube in her nose. The biggest problem with that it that the machine is so loud that she stays awake at night when wearing it. Then she needs her rest and sleeps most of the day. So, it seems that the heart issues are serious enough to need immediate attention. There should be a procedure done within the next few days to help her blood flow which could help her clear her lungs and get back on track. So, during this phase, I have learned a few things. I am the expert on the topic of my Mom. The people here in the hospital have never seen her before. They don't know what a good day looks like. And I have to stand up and speak for her when she cannot speak for herself. I am very grateful for the people who work with us daily who stay with my Mom each day. They have been so wonderful at keeping me informed when I was not sitting in the room. I am also grateful for family who are actively interested in what's going on here in Florida. And I am grateful for the prayer warriors and those who may be praying for the first time in order to do what they can to help. I also learned that I can spend hours away from the hospital and feel good about my decision. I have spent every night sleeping in my own bed. We only live minutes from the hospital. So, I stay until about midnight (earlier some nights) and then go home to bed. That has helped me feel good taking care of my cats, having all of my stuff around me getting ready in the morning. And I feel better rested with no sounds of beeping, chimes of all kinds, carts rolling or random conversations. Then I have a better mental status and I have to have that to make decisions that I will be able to live with. I have also learned what is most important. I know what is important by what has fallen to the wayside during the last couple of weeks. Laundry is not that important (yet). Cooking once a week has worked out really well for me. I am knocking on wood because I have not been late on any bills. And I am learning how to work from just about anywhere. I am practicing being present. I am only going to commit to being in one place at a time. It does not do me any good to be at work or at my home and mentally walking the halls of the hospital. And it doesn't do me any good to be anxious while I am sitting in the hospital room because I feel like I should be somewhere else doing something else. I take breaks and walk to the lobby. I go down to the cafeteria. I don't torture myself staying put if I don't have to. And food and water are essential to life. So, I have been packing snacks and eating meals ( at least twice a day). I had to start somewhere, right? I have not told a lot of people locally that Mommy is in the hospital. She is not in the kind of environment where she can receive food or flowers. And to tell you the truth, visitors take a lot of energy to entertain and Mommy just doesn't have a lot of energy right now. And I am not a good hostess in this environment. I feel more like a protective mama bear than the hostess with the mostest. So, the circle is pretty small right now. And I am good with this. More later... Much love.
I See You
My Mom is currently in the hospital. She has pneumonia, congestive heart failure, aortic stenosis (narrowing of the aortic valve), and lots of fluid in her lungs in addition to the pneumonia. She is in the ICU and has been there for 3 days so far. It is a long road to get rid of this nastiness. And it seems I am way more patient than the patient. She didn't even think she needed to go to the ER much less be admitted into the hospital or go to ICU. So, needless to say, she is ready to go home every minute of every day. Currently, she needs support to get deep breaths. So, she is using a mask similar to a CPAP but the machine is bigger. It's called a Bi PAP. The best thing for her is rest. She needs to stay calm to heal. But she is anxious when she is awake. This is a very tough time for her and for me watching this unfold. I know she can kick this even though there are a lot of things that are not in her favor at the moment. As the infection goes away, I know she will get stronger. It's hard to see her so uncomfortable. It's hard giving updates to family and friends daily. It's hard making a schedule that works. It's hard knowing what the priority should be. It's hard knowing where I should focus my attention. It's hard to focus period. My hours awake are really starting to outweigh my sleeping hours (not that they were ever really balanced.) Sleep and prayer are the two most important factors for me and for Mommy. As I am writing this at nearly 1AM, I am going to sleep now and start fresh tomorrow with prayer for the best direction. More later...
Exactly What It Takes
It's getting very close to the time that I leave for vacation. I want to be able to take a mental and physical vacation away from home with no caregiving responsibilities. There are a lot of things that I am going to do in order to be able to spend a care-free time on vacation and be completely present and in the moment.
I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away. And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans. Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each. I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to. I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.
I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time. In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone.
I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.
I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food.
I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed.
And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go. If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it. And we can't have that!!
More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her. And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine. I have done enough. I have nothing to worry about. The people at the house have got the helm. I will be off duty with no worries.
It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries. But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it. And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity. There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore. Those days are long gone for a good, long while. This trip is the closest I have come since 2005. And this one sure wasn't just a whim. It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality. I am so so ready!!!
So, I have a lot left to do. But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve. I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!
I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away. And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans. Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each. I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to. I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.
I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time. In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone.
I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.
I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food.
I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed.
And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go. If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it. And we can't have that!!
More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her. And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine. I have done enough. I have nothing to worry about. The people at the house have got the helm. I will be off duty with no worries.
It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries. But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it. And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity. There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore. Those days are long gone for a good, long while. This trip is the closest I have come since 2005. And this one sure wasn't just a whim. It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality. I am so so ready!!!
So, I have a lot left to do. But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve. I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!
Two Years! Can you believe it!?
Over the years of taking care of my Mom, I learned an awful lot as I navigated through getting the right paperwork to get things done on her behalf, relocating her from MD to FL, selling her house, investing her money, learning how to get answers from medical professionals, making friends with the pharmacist, trusting home health agencies and workers, helping to create a social circle for her, helping to keep her motivated and engaged, working through emotions and frustrations that I had in expecting things from family members and friends. I never thought that all of these changes would come upon a person and there would be no one resource to help guide you through these things. I was lucky enough to have others who had been through similar situations share their experiences and key learnings with me to make my road a bit easier. And from the very beginning, I felt that no one should have to do this alone; without a sounding board or someone to give them direction in getting started; someone to help sift through the many thoughts that arise of doubt and confusion about whether you can even handle being a caregiver.
As I found my voice in speaking up on behalf of my Mom, I also raised my voice to speak to others beginning their journey as family caregivers. Instead of being a silent, solitary mass of individuals, I think we should be a visible, vocal community that supports one another and shares our good, bad and ugly in order to be better for those that we care for. And that’s how Caring for Family Caregivers was brought into being. I hope that I am living up to this purpose and serving the community well.
As I start a new year with this company, I will continue to bring more efficiencies, education, information and support to family caregivers. For those of you who have been on this journey with me, thank you for your belief in me and for your support of Caring for Family Caregivers activities. Thank you for spreading the word that Caring for Family Caregivers exists and thank you for allowing me to serve you since 2015. I am looking forward to bigger and better things in the future.
As I found my voice in speaking up on behalf of my Mom, I also raised my voice to speak to others beginning their journey as family caregivers. Instead of being a silent, solitary mass of individuals, I think we should be a visible, vocal community that supports one another and shares our good, bad and ugly in order to be better for those that we care for. And that’s how Caring for Family Caregivers was brought into being. I hope that I am living up to this purpose and serving the community well.
As I start a new year with this company, I will continue to bring more efficiencies, education, information and support to family caregivers. For those of you who have been on this journey with me, thank you for your belief in me and for your support of Caring for Family Caregivers activities. Thank you for spreading the word that Caring for Family Caregivers exists and thank you for allowing me to serve you since 2015. I am looking forward to bigger and better things in the future.
Real Change Takes Real Effort
I am coming to the end of the time that I have been working with the nutritionist. I have all the tools I need to be successful in eating in a healthy, complete, nutritious, portion-controlled way. So, it really is all up to me to do it. I have not been as diligent as I can be with it. But now that I am about to be released to continue on this journey alone, I need to put my practice into action instead of it just being theory. I have also added exercise into the mix. And I have had the same kind of feelings. I think I want success to just happen. I was not really willing to put in the kind of effort that would be considered EFFORT. I think, for both of these components, I was just kind of going through the motions. But I recognize that I need to step up my game and stop hiding with all the other people in the world who are ordinary and just walking through it. I need to face the facts that: I am determined. I can succeed in amazing ways. I am not ashamed to be successful. And I am not ashamed to be outstanding!! For a week I have been wrestling with breaking out of the mold and really shining or just mixing in and being average and less than my fully realized self. It's really not about being perfect. It's about giving it all that I have for me - by me and not selling myself short or dumbing down for others to be comfortable. I am making small gains now. But big things are just around the corner. I am coming to claim what's mine!!
Adding to the mix
So I am at the 9 week mark of working with a dietician and I am beginning to grasp a new mindset. I am starting to think in terms of food groups and portion sizes. I still have to measure things in order to be absolutely sure that I am having the right amount. The areas where I do the poorest at this are with creamer in coffee, full fat dressing on salads and popcorn. The areas where I do the best with measuring is with ounces of lean protein and with how much of each grain I should be eating. And I must say that I am incredibly awesome with measuring my veggies (that is when I eat them). Sometimes my weekends do not include veggies. I will get better at that. I just know I will.
I am embarking on week 2 of going to the gym!! I marched in there last week and plopped down some money for a membership and for 4 personal training sessions. I think starting with the trainer was the BEST thing I have done for myself since increasing how much water I drink each day. I realized that I could probably have lost another year by thinking that I was ready to go back to the gym and I would just know what to do when I got in there. I think what stopped me from committing to exercise was just that; I did not know where to start when I got in the gym. I am good at reading a map and at following directions. So, when I got a written out plan of what to do each day that I go in the gym, I was relieved and empowered to move forward. Next thing was to get my body on board. So, in order to make sure that I have no conflicts with working out, I am going to the gym at a crazy early hour of the day like 6:30am. I have to eat 30 minutes before I work out (which is 6am). And I have to wake up and take medication that requires no eating for 30 minutes after taking it (so that's 5:30am). Needless to say, my body clock was not very happy with this turn of events. And I spent all of last week a little drowsy and cranky by the end of the day. I started going to sleep a little earlier and consistently getting up early. The only day that I didn't was on Sunday. I slept in 2 hours later than I had for the rest of the week.
I did really well with my assessment and my first workout. And by "well" I mean I didn't pass out or need the bucket like on The Biggest Loser". I went home each day and got back in the bed for another hour after the workouts! My muscles were really sore towards the end of the day. I was not sure if I was going to be able to complete two more back-to-back days with that level of soreness and stiffness. I massaged my muscles and took a hecka hot shower, took some Aleve and went to bed. The next morning I was still sore and apprehensive about whether I was going to be able to support my own body weight doing things like planks, push-up's and lunges. But I was able to. And I found that my muscles, while engaged, were less sore. They went back to aching when they were at rest. And by my 3 days off for the week, the soreness went away.
I just started my second week and I feel that I did a lot better today working with the trainer than I did last week. I was not defeated by any activity. I was able to do them all and I had a challenge with each set I completed. I think I am going to enjoy this new addition. I am going to work with the trainer once a week for 12 weeks (10 more to go) and see where I land. Hopefully, I will have a new habit established by then.
This week, I am going to be more diligent about measuring. I am hoping to see some good results on the scale by week 3. I know it takes a little while to balance out. Muscles are expanding before they contract and they weigh more than fat. Also being better hydrated makes it look like you are gaining but that's false. So, I will stay the course, trust the process and put the work in. HERE WE GO!!!!
I am embarking on week 2 of going to the gym!! I marched in there last week and plopped down some money for a membership and for 4 personal training sessions. I think starting with the trainer was the BEST thing I have done for myself since increasing how much water I drink each day. I realized that I could probably have lost another year by thinking that I was ready to go back to the gym and I would just know what to do when I got in there. I think what stopped me from committing to exercise was just that; I did not know where to start when I got in the gym. I am good at reading a map and at following directions. So, when I got a written out plan of what to do each day that I go in the gym, I was relieved and empowered to move forward. Next thing was to get my body on board. So, in order to make sure that I have no conflicts with working out, I am going to the gym at a crazy early hour of the day like 6:30am. I have to eat 30 minutes before I work out (which is 6am). And I have to wake up and take medication that requires no eating for 30 minutes after taking it (so that's 5:30am). Needless to say, my body clock was not very happy with this turn of events. And I spent all of last week a little drowsy and cranky by the end of the day. I started going to sleep a little earlier and consistently getting up early. The only day that I didn't was on Sunday. I slept in 2 hours later than I had for the rest of the week.
I did really well with my assessment and my first workout. And by "well" I mean I didn't pass out or need the bucket like on The Biggest Loser". I went home each day and got back in the bed for another hour after the workouts! My muscles were really sore towards the end of the day. I was not sure if I was going to be able to complete two more back-to-back days with that level of soreness and stiffness. I massaged my muscles and took a hecka hot shower, took some Aleve and went to bed. The next morning I was still sore and apprehensive about whether I was going to be able to support my own body weight doing things like planks, push-up's and lunges. But I was able to. And I found that my muscles, while engaged, were less sore. They went back to aching when they were at rest. And by my 3 days off for the week, the soreness went away.
I just started my second week and I feel that I did a lot better today working with the trainer than I did last week. I was not defeated by any activity. I was able to do them all and I had a challenge with each set I completed. I think I am going to enjoy this new addition. I am going to work with the trainer once a week for 12 weeks (10 more to go) and see where I land. Hopefully, I will have a new habit established by then.
This week, I am going to be more diligent about measuring. I am hoping to see some good results on the scale by week 3. I know it takes a little while to balance out. Muscles are expanding before they contract and they weigh more than fat. Also being better hydrated makes it look like you are gaining but that's false. So, I will stay the course, trust the process and put the work in. HERE WE GO!!!!
Making ME a Priority
So, in January, I made a promise to myself to do better and be better when it come to taking care of myself. Well, the Universe is all in favor of this because in no time and without searching, I found a registered dietitian to help me get back on track. I scheduled and kept my last three doctor's appointments and I feel good that I put myself back on my own radar. But I don't want this to be obligatory. I don't want to give up on me because it's too hard to keep up with or I am too tired to do all of the prep work that comes with doing the right things or worse of all, I don't want to stop caring because it seems no one else cares. I am enough. Nobody else needs to put energy or emphasis on me or my well being except me. I am enough of a reason. I have to make me and my well being MY priority. If I can be meticulous about my Mom's schedule, then I can be just as meticulous with my own.
I used to think that I had to keep myself in shape in order to be able to help my Mom with her physical needs. Sure, it is true that I need strength and balance to help her. But I need to be in good shape so that I can live to the ripe old 81 that my Mom has made it to. And be just as inappropriate as she is because at 81, you can say what you mean and not worry how others are going to take it! So, I have to give care to myself as well as to others. It just takes a little planning (which I am good at) and a daily diligence and attention. I am with me everyday. So, I really should make the most of it.
So, I am re-learning how to eat the right foods in the right amounts. BTW, any food can be the right food. Don't get it twisted! This should be a forever change. Not a diet or quick fix. I just got off track by taking my attention away from me and what is important for me. I have spent the last 6 years basically in the same size clothing. So, I didn't get too off track. But those clothes have fit a number of different ways based on how my weight has fluctuated over the years. Now, I want them fit comfortably again.
I am concentrating on one thing at a time and hoping that in 3 months I will have all of the pieces in place and be back on the right road. So, this week, I am just trying to get used to how many servings from each food group I should eat each day. And trying my best to eat them all each day. So far, I have only had one completely successful day. Over the weekend, I overindulged in wine and did not eat enough green veggies. Monday, I ate all of my veggies but I missed a serving of grain. Eventually, before the week is out, I will get it a better grip on it. Who knows, it may take 2 weeks or more before I really feel it is a part of me. Seriously, it is not about being perfect but it is all about doing my best each day, learning more each day and applying it for a better tomorrow. And so, this is my attitude heading into the days to come. I feel that I am being true to myself and not being too critical of myself as I get my footing. I am hoping to find myself and be forgiving of myself as continue on this journey.
Slow Down and Listen
We arrived early for Mom's first visit to CORE for the new year. My Mom told me that she didn't want to participate at CORE on this day. After we had already driven 30 minutes to get there through midday traffic on a highway that is under construction. She just wanted to stay home and watch a movie. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to be specific. She said she wanted me to watch it with her. I was a little deflated when she brought up that she just didn’t feel like doing anything that day. But I honored her wishes and we went back home. I figured she was just a little comfortable since the holidays. That was her pass. After we got to the house, I had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon. When I got home at the end of my workday, I asked if she had watched the movie and she told me no. She was waiting for me to watch with her.
The month of January is very busy for me at work. I have had 2 or more events a week during this month. This means that I get home well after dinner time and only manage to have dinner with Mommy about 2 or 3 nights a week. I wake up and leave for work and she is asleep and many times I come home and she is asleep. So we have not spent a lot of time together this month.
So for the last 2 weeks, every time we get into the car to go to CORE, she asks if we really have to go. And then I go from frustrated because I am going to a lot of effort to get her there twice a week to a pep talk to get her ready to go and be ready to give it her all when we get there.
On this last Friday, we didn't even make it out of the front door of the house and she said, “Do we have to go to CORE today?” I got very frustrated and asked her, “Are we going to do this every time we get ready to go to CORE? This needs to stop!”
When we got in the car, she told me that she didn't mean that she did not want to go. She meant that since I was off from work, there were many things we could do together and places we could go that would be fun instead of going to CORE.
Then I thought OH!!! What she is saying is that she wants to spend some quality time with me. And that she has missed me since I have been away so much this month. I thought about what it must be like to only leave the house for medical reasons. How boring! There are a million other places to go on the planet. She was right.
When she had all of her abilities, she used to decide that we were going to the movies and that we would see whatever was starting when we got there. And on this particular day she wanted to go to the movies after CORE and she told me we will see whatever is starting when we get there. We ended up seeing a good film. Not really one we had heard of before. But we were pleasantly surprised by it.
On Saturday, we went to the movies on purpose and saw Hidden Figures. It was a great movie and we had a really good time together. Mommy was in the government at the time that the story took place. So of course after the film, I asked her a lot of questions about what her experience was during the 50's and 60's working in the US Government.
After the movies, we went home and I had to go into work for about 3 hours. When I got home I went in and sat with Mommy for a little while. She said that she had a great day with me and that it was really fun. I am happy that I listened to more than her words and I heard her heart and was able to stop and take some time to spend with her.
I forgot that my work schedule affects more people
than just me. The CNA's who have to spend more hours with my Mom. My Mom who
goes days without seeing me. My friends who lose touch during my busier times
at work. I have to keep this in mind in the future and
try to be more mindful of those around me.
Call home in the middle of the day just to say Hi and check on how
things are going. And make an effort to
add some fun into those longer stretches after I have been unavailable.
The Struggle is Real
I find myself at a point that I never imagined myself in. Not good or bad. Just unexpected and my reality:
1.
50 years old and unmarried
2.
Living with and caring for my Mother for almost
10 years
3.
2 cats
4.
20 pounds over the weight where I am most
comfortable
5.
Very mad at specific men that makes me not trust
any man to get close to me
6.
Unhappy and disappointed in myself
7.
Not coping well with the loss that if feel and
trying to ignore it everyday
There was a time when, even though I tried to fight it off
and not let it in, the voices of others and how they defined me spoke to me
louder than my own voice. As I ended a
bad marriage of 3 years, it took me almost 2 years until I was built back up
again. Only to allow myself to be
defined 5 more significant times by people who had their best interests at
heart, not mine. The last time this
happened was just in the past year.
So, as I took down the 2016 calendar where my goal was to
lose 10 pounds over the course of the year, I looked at January – my starting
weight. Then, I looked at December – my
ending weight and I had changed by 9 pounds.
But not by losing them. I gained
9 pounds over the course of the year. That
made 3 years in a row where I had gained.
And then I realized that I have fallen out of love with myself. I tell myself affirmations daily and I don’t
hate on my body anymore in words or thoughts.
But I don’t think I believe or trust my self-talk to myself. Somewhere in me, I lost respect for myself as
I worked harder and did more for others than I would do on my own behalf. I let myself down and I broke my own heart.
I have been trying to find a way to apologize to me and to
commit to myself and forgive myself for my own contributions and actions in my
past. And I think I really need to go back to square one. Spend time with myself and my thoughts. Allowing myself time to heal and to once
again appreciate me and all the wonderful things I bring to the world. I am valuable. I am important. I am smart.
I do have worth. And none of this
is determined by others. And if no one
else in the world sees this in me that does not mean that I should be silenced
and take these gifts away from the world.
I need to bring my full self with me everywhere I go. And I need to confidently speak up for myself
everywhere I go. My heart and my
consideration and compassion for others will keep me from becoming an
egotistical jerk. So, I’m not out to get
a big head but I don’t want to downplay myself for anyone else’s comfort.
It’s time to put me back on my priority list. And I need to honor myself inside and out. Consistency will be the key. I can’t just be good to myself once a
week. I need to be good to me everyday. I do this through the foods I eat, the water
I drink, the walks I take, the books I read, the music I listen to and the
things and people I say NO to in order to get to my ultimate goals – not being
derailed by others. And I will tell
myself that I am truly sorry and I will believe it this time because I am my
authentic and true self. I will save
myself a lot of hassle in the future when I open my mouth to say how I feel
instead of opening my mouth to eat my feelings and bury them. Taking a walk to clear my head may prevent me
from not being able to fall asleep because of so much on my mind. Writing all of this stuff down actually helps
me to breathe better, deeper and stress dissipates. Listening to music instantly changes my mood
when outdated tracks start playing in my head.
I have been spending more time each day with God and this has been going
on for most of 2016. I have been reading
the Bible and praying each morning (sometimes praying with the wrong focus for
the wrong things – but I have also received Divine correction). I have been listening more and recognizing
and acknowledging the Holy Spirit as it works in my life. And this is leading me toward scriptures that
feed me just what I need when I need it.
So I am working on appreciating me – mind, body, soul. And being
grateful for all that I have, all that I am and all that I bring to the world.
Does a working Family Caregiver ever relax???
I wear a number of hats. I have an employee hat. I have a daughter hat. I have a sister hat. I have an entrepreneur hat. And the relational hats of cousin, friend, neighbor and acquaintance. But I think the most important at the moment is the family caregiver hat. I always feel like there is a demand on me. I always feel like there is something to be completed to be checked off of one of my many "to do" lists. And if I am not doing something, I feel like I am a slacker. I even schedule time with nothing on my calendar. That is supposed to be my "down time'. I actually had to have a friend of mine tell me it was ok to spend the weekend doing nothing. - meaning not reaching a new goal or crossing something off of my list. I had to get permission to not feel guilty for just being myself for a short period of time. I should probably self-regulate better than I am doing right now. I feel like everything is piling up in every area. So, I feel like I should be working every waking minute but I know that this is not good for me. I need to take a different approach. I need to allow myself to have a day off without feeling guilty as if I don't deserve downtime. And I shouldn't have to have someone outside of myself confirm for me that it's OK to chill for a minute. I think I need to more clearly define and set aside work time in order to clearly define and set aside off time. And I need to be true to myself and speak my truth. I am spending too much time doing things that really are not important to me just because I was asked. So, instead of being 100% in the moment, I am thinking to myself, "I really should be doing something else right now". So, I am creating this anxiety. It's time to turn it off and shut it down.
Sitting here writing this blog is step one. This is one of the things that I really should have been doing. I know I am not the only person on the planet who feels like I am overwhelmed because I try to do too much and make others happy. But I have to consider myself in this scenario and make sure I stay happy too. And blogging (clearing my mind) makes me happy. When I start the day doing something just for me (pray, reflect, write down my dream from the night before), I feel a lot better than days that I start with a fire drill of any kind. It's hard to get back to my place of peace. When I start on the "what do I have to do" path, it's hard to step off of it and I end up exhausted a the end of the day because I found many things to answer that question.
Yesterday, I sat down and organized bills first thing in the morning. So, I am straight going into next month. That takes a whole lot of stress off of me. If I don't organize, everyday, it seems like I am playing catch up and I don't know where I stand on due dates or dollar amounts. And then I feel bad for not organizing and I feel bad for not caring enough to organize and I feel bad because I am not being responsible. On and on and on.
So, I am talking myself off of the ledge and going back inside the window - no longer threatening to jump. It's a way better feeling. So, friends - I hope you understand if I decline a few of your offers to go out. I will take a rain check hoping to catch you next time. I am trying to do a better job of not spreading myself too thin. Getting myself back on track and balanced. And to answer the question, "Does a family caregiver ever relax?", I believe the answer is YES. But just like getting to Carnegie Hall, it takes practice, practice, practice.
Sitting here writing this blog is step one. This is one of the things that I really should have been doing. I know I am not the only person on the planet who feels like I am overwhelmed because I try to do too much and make others happy. But I have to consider myself in this scenario and make sure I stay happy too. And blogging (clearing my mind) makes me happy. When I start the day doing something just for me (pray, reflect, write down my dream from the night before), I feel a lot better than days that I start with a fire drill of any kind. It's hard to get back to my place of peace. When I start on the "what do I have to do" path, it's hard to step off of it and I end up exhausted a the end of the day because I found many things to answer that question.
Yesterday, I sat down and organized bills first thing in the morning. So, I am straight going into next month. That takes a whole lot of stress off of me. If I don't organize, everyday, it seems like I am playing catch up and I don't know where I stand on due dates or dollar amounts. And then I feel bad for not organizing and I feel bad for not caring enough to organize and I feel bad because I am not being responsible. On and on and on.
So, I am talking myself off of the ledge and going back inside the window - no longer threatening to jump. It's a way better feeling. So, friends - I hope you understand if I decline a few of your offers to go out. I will take a rain check hoping to catch you next time. I am trying to do a better job of not spreading myself too thin. Getting myself back on track and balanced. And to answer the question, "Does a family caregiver ever relax?", I believe the answer is YES. But just like getting to Carnegie Hall, it takes practice, practice, practice.
It's a good tired
I don't want to let this moment pass without honoring it. Today is Wednesday and I just got back from a great 4 day vacation on Monday. I went to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. I had a very relaxing time. I got sun, sleep, massage, drinks and laughs with some wonderful family members that I don't see often enough. And I returned home to amped up mayhem. It seems it's time to pump out the septic tank. But no one here at home thought that I should be alerted or forewarned while enjoying my 4 days away. I guess that was nice of them to not bother me with the news. So I came home on high alert. Tuesday I called about having the work done and was told that it could be done on Wedensday. But until they get here, no running of the dishwasher or clothes washer because that can cause problems that no one wants to clean up. So for the last two nights I have been taking clothes to a local laundromat to wash them. Then I bring them home to dry them and put them away. I had that honor tonight because the company slid me to tomorrow's schedule instead on coming today for the pump out. This extra task has made for some late nights.
I'm tired. But it's a good tired. It think the vacation put me in a mood that makes this ok. God knows what He's doing even when we don't. I was also very concerned about paying bills on time with depleted funds. And in the last 24 hours, I have found 2 accounts that I didn't even know I had! Once again God knows what He's doing even when we don't.
My Mom has been resting during prime time. She watches TV, gets drowsy and cranks the volume up on the TV because she says she can't hear it. The reality is that she is asleep! So cranking up the volume will keep her more alert. Three times I came in the kitchen door and thought the TV in the family room next door was on only to find that the TV in her room was up to a volume of 40! Two of these 3 times, she had a CNA sitting right next to her letting this happen like everything was normal. Ugh!!! I just go in and turn it back down. Most times there is a mini lecture that goes with this activity. "Why does the TV have to be so loud?", I say. And she replies, "because I can't hear it!" And we play this game each time. Then, when I sit down in the room with her, she falls asleep peacefully with the colume at a normal level. I'm tired. But it's a good tired.
I'm looking forward to being first on the schedule tomorrow so that this cycle can stop and I can rest once more. But I do note that every one of my concerns is being handled. And I don't have to worry. I can take all of this in stride. I know who is in control and I have been equipped for what lies ahead in any situation.
I just wanted to share that.
I'm tired. But it's a good tired. It think the vacation put me in a mood that makes this ok. God knows what He's doing even when we don't. I was also very concerned about paying bills on time with depleted funds. And in the last 24 hours, I have found 2 accounts that I didn't even know I had! Once again God knows what He's doing even when we don't.
My Mom has been resting during prime time. She watches TV, gets drowsy and cranks the volume up on the TV because she says she can't hear it. The reality is that she is asleep! So cranking up the volume will keep her more alert. Three times I came in the kitchen door and thought the TV in the family room next door was on only to find that the TV in her room was up to a volume of 40! Two of these 3 times, she had a CNA sitting right next to her letting this happen like everything was normal. Ugh!!! I just go in and turn it back down. Most times there is a mini lecture that goes with this activity. "Why does the TV have to be so loud?", I say. And she replies, "because I can't hear it!" And we play this game each time. Then, when I sit down in the room with her, she falls asleep peacefully with the colume at a normal level. I'm tired. But it's a good tired.
I'm looking forward to being first on the schedule tomorrow so that this cycle can stop and I can rest once more. But I do note that every one of my concerns is being handled. And I don't have to worry. I can take all of this in stride. I know who is in control and I have been equipped for what lies ahead in any situation.
I just wanted to share that.
Don't Lose Sight of your Dreams
That's it! I am going to take a bold leap here. I am going to move and shift my thinking from, "I want to do a trip to Greece for my 50th birthday." to "I am making plans to take MY 50th birthday trip to Greece!" My birthday is in 6 months and many of my closest friends and people standing closest to me at parties have heard for the last decade that I want to take a trip to Greece for my 50th year. As I stepped off of my last Royal Caribbean cruise a year ago, I grabbed the catalog for 2016 cruises. Of course, since my birthday is in December, I wanted to go during my 50th year. So, in essence, Spring/Summer of 2017.
This morning when I woke up all I could think of was, "Crap! My birthday is in 6 months!! I have to plan a trip to Greece!! I am not going to let this be a wish that floats on by. I need to take action to make this happen! And I don't care if I go all alone. I AM GOING!!"
So as of June 30, 2016, I am starting a Greece savings account at my credit union. I picked the cruise that I am interested in taking. The dates on the ship will be 7/2-7/9/2017 And I want to spend 3 days touring around Rome since that's where the ship leaves and returns. So, my itinerary is starting to form. This is really happening. Right now! As I get more details, I want to open the opportunity for people who would like to join me on this journey. Because I am so darn fun to hang out with and I know if you want to take this trip, you are fun too!
I think in almost every aspect of my life I am living my dreams and I want this to be my reality. I thought in the past that I would have to put my life on hold while taking care of Mommy was my top priority. Over the past 10 years, I have learned that I can have a full life AND be a family caregiver. So, full steam ahead! I will spend the first part of July 2017 in Italy and Greece and then come home to celebrate Mommy's 82nd birthday with her. It is possible to do it all. And if anyone can, it's me!
I will add more to the story over the next year of planning and I hope some of you will be with me as we celebrate. There are only a few things that I have wanted for a long, long time that I have actually seen materialize. So, I'm looking forward to this experience. Let's do this!!!
This morning when I woke up all I could think of was, "Crap! My birthday is in 6 months!! I have to plan a trip to Greece!! I am not going to let this be a wish that floats on by. I need to take action to make this happen! And I don't care if I go all alone. I AM GOING!!"
So as of June 30, 2016, I am starting a Greece savings account at my credit union. I picked the cruise that I am interested in taking. The dates on the ship will be 7/2-7/9/2017 And I want to spend 3 days touring around Rome since that's where the ship leaves and returns. So, my itinerary is starting to form. This is really happening. Right now! As I get more details, I want to open the opportunity for people who would like to join me on this journey. Because I am so darn fun to hang out with and I know if you want to take this trip, you are fun too!
I think in almost every aspect of my life I am living my dreams and I want this to be my reality. I thought in the past that I would have to put my life on hold while taking care of Mommy was my top priority. Over the past 10 years, I have learned that I can have a full life AND be a family caregiver. So, full steam ahead! I will spend the first part of July 2017 in Italy and Greece and then come home to celebrate Mommy's 82nd birthday with her. It is possible to do it all. And if anyone can, it's me!
I will add more to the story over the next year of planning and I hope some of you will be with me as we celebrate. There are only a few things that I have wanted for a long, long time that I have actually seen materialize. So, I'm looking forward to this experience. Let's do this!!!
Life's little heartaches
The BeeGees asked, "How do you mend a broken heart?". I think that it gets mended through acceptance, strength, forgiveness and moving forward. The better question may be, "Why do I have a broken heart?" Because as family caregivers, we have our hearts broken pretty regularly. We deal with a great deal of loss; loss of the loved one we once knew (changes in physical and mental states), loss of abilities, loss of our own freedom, loss of friends/relationships. Many times, in order to get through what we have to do as family caregivers, we will create systems and plans and schedules and routines in an effort to gain control over things that we are really not completely in control of. We visualize what a good day will look like. We make plans and follow through with them to make the positive outcomes that we are looking for. Some of us know that these moments will never come again. So, we want to do everything we can to make the moments perfect. That's a lot of effort, energy and heart being expended. So, sometimes when things don't go as planned, we get our hearts broken, our feelings hurt and we experience more loss - loss of the control that we desperately try to have over the uncontrollable.
I find myself in that situation on occasion. I have tried to lessen the chances of being hurt by having no control over the uncontrollable circumstances that come along. Lots of times, I give up the control and let the situation roll out the way it is going to roll out and go from being in control to rolling with the punches. That's part of the resilience of a family caregiver. But on a rare occasion, you find that you are really looking forward to something (an occasion, an outing, a new piece of medical equipment that will make your life easier) and you put a lot more positive energy there than you even know. When that plan changes, falls through, gets delayed - it really knocks the wind out of you. I think when you are still down, it is so important to have at least one person on the planet (not the person that you care for) that you can tell what just threw you for a loop. When you get to hear yourself explain the situation out loud, automatically, it won't seem as bad as it was when you were the only one carrying the weight. Hopefully, the person that you talk to will display some empathy and will understand that you just suffered a blow. Because being heard and acknowledged also will make the situation seem less tragic. After being heard and acknowledged, I start to see where I am standing and I ask myself if I really need to be there. Do I need to be THIS upset over a change in plans? Do I need to be THIS frazzled because we had to leave a restaurant in the middle of the meal? Or do I need to be THIS sad because a social visit got cancelled or postponed? Most of the time, there are far bigger things to be upset about and this offense can be understood or overlooked. Put away the horns and other party favors because the pity party has come to an end. It's time to re-group. Chalk it up. Let it go. See it for what it was. Take the hate, anger, disgust out of your heart and mind. Take a deep breath (or a heavy sigh) and keep moving. If needed, you can even forgive yourself for the way you handled the situation. Almost always, it's not the end of the world. As family caregivers, we know that, ultimately, we can't win them all no matter how hard we want to. So, we sit with it for a while. It was not what we planned. But it's OK. Life continues. We definitely live and learn. And we will make it back to happy little by little. BTW - writing this down for you to read has made me feel tremendously better. And I am well on the way to mending this most recent broken heart.
I find myself in that situation on occasion. I have tried to lessen the chances of being hurt by having no control over the uncontrollable circumstances that come along. Lots of times, I give up the control and let the situation roll out the way it is going to roll out and go from being in control to rolling with the punches. That's part of the resilience of a family caregiver. But on a rare occasion, you find that you are really looking forward to something (an occasion, an outing, a new piece of medical equipment that will make your life easier) and you put a lot more positive energy there than you even know. When that plan changes, falls through, gets delayed - it really knocks the wind out of you. I think when you are still down, it is so important to have at least one person on the planet (not the person that you care for) that you can tell what just threw you for a loop. When you get to hear yourself explain the situation out loud, automatically, it won't seem as bad as it was when you were the only one carrying the weight. Hopefully, the person that you talk to will display some empathy and will understand that you just suffered a blow. Because being heard and acknowledged also will make the situation seem less tragic. After being heard and acknowledged, I start to see where I am standing and I ask myself if I really need to be there. Do I need to be THIS upset over a change in plans? Do I need to be THIS frazzled because we had to leave a restaurant in the middle of the meal? Or do I need to be THIS sad because a social visit got cancelled or postponed? Most of the time, there are far bigger things to be upset about and this offense can be understood or overlooked. Put away the horns and other party favors because the pity party has come to an end. It's time to re-group. Chalk it up. Let it go. See it for what it was. Take the hate, anger, disgust out of your heart and mind. Take a deep breath (or a heavy sigh) and keep moving. If needed, you can even forgive yourself for the way you handled the situation. Almost always, it's not the end of the world. As family caregivers, we know that, ultimately, we can't win them all no matter how hard we want to. So, we sit with it for a while. It was not what we planned. But it's OK. Life continues. We definitely live and learn. And we will make it back to happy little by little. BTW - writing this down for you to read has made me feel tremendously better. And I am well on the way to mending this most recent broken heart.
Are things falling to pieces? Or are the pieces falling into place?
I was urged to think about this when a friend of mine posted
a saying to the effect of sometimes when it looks like
things are falling to pieces, it's really the pieces falling into place. When
I find myself in the position where things are falling to pieces
I am usually such a wreck that I can't remember the situation. It is
difficult, distressing, shocking to me that I am not in control and cannot stop
the avalanche or tidal wave I see approaching that covers everything in it's
wake. But I do have one instance that was a little frightening but not so
scarring that I have blocked it from my memory. So, I will share in this
blog.
I am a bowler. I have been competing since I was a
kid. My Dad was a youth bowling coach for over 50 years and coached both
me and my 2 brothers for our entire lives. I compete annually in the
Women's National Championship tournament as an amateur. So, in 2015, I
was scheduled to bowl in my 20th Nationals tournament on Reno, NV in June. My
entry was confirmed and paid for by February of that year. I had a
team with 4 spots on it for bowlers. Sometimes it is a little challenging
to get 3 other people to share in your vision and form a team. People
have a hard time with getting the time off of work or away from home.
They have challenges paying for the flight and hotel. They have
challenges paying for the tournament entry. So, when you lock in your
team, you have already done a fair bit of work. For this tournament, I
was only able to fill my roster with 3 bowlers. I got a half of a
commitment from a 4th person. But when it came time to pay for things and
buy a plane ticket, the truth came out and she was unable to travel with
us. So, it's not so bad to have one opening on the team. There's a
substitution bulletin board at the tournament site for this kind of
dilemma. It wouldn't be the first time that I had been on a team that had
to grab a sub at the tournament. And we were bowling in the event about
halfway through the full window of the competition. The tournament ran
for months and ended in July. We were bowling at the beginning of
June. So, there should be subs available. So, then, we were 3. So,
as we were booking flights, the 3rd bowler looked at the days that we were
flying and realized that she was scheduled to bowl a different tournament, in a
different city in Nevada over the same dates. There was no replacing her
either. So, we had gotten one sub before at a tournament. How hard
could it be to get two subs for the team event? All we can do is try.
The two of us remaining on the team secured our room and our
flights. I was travelling with the best doubles partner and travelling
companion in the whole world. We have travelled together for just about a
decade. So, we have a great time. We share common interests like casinos,
cocktails and good food, fine Vegas entertainment and relaxing at the
spa. We have never had a bad trip. We always find the fun no matter
what we are doing. Flight delays don't steal our joy. Lost luggage
doesn't phase us. We always have a great time in every situation.
Because of this, we always plan a trip to Reno paired with a trip to
Vegas. Hey! We made it all the way out there! We might
as well make the most of it! So, 2 days in Reno and 3 days in Vegas and
our trip itinerary was complete.
So, both me and my bowling bestie have
responsibilities to our Moms. They help us out and we take care of them
when they need it. Jodi's Mom helps her with her kids tremendously and
Jodi stays on top of what her Mom's medical needs are. During this
particular year, Jodi's Mom had been having a variety of problems with her
knees, her heart, her gall bladder and general feelings on lethargy. Oh, and
blood clots! She had been in and out of the hospital during the
year. But she was at a good point as we were planning to leave for our
trip. But as fate would have it, she went into the hospital 2 weeks
before our trip for a one week stay. We were still hoping that she would
have her strength back and be able to hold things down at the house while we
were gone. She reassured Jodi that she was fine and that she should go to
the tournament with no worries. But you know how you get the feeling that
someone is putting on a front? That their words and actions don't exactly
match up? That's the impression that Jodi got. And the night before
the flight, she told me that she was going to have to stay home just to be sure
everything was OK with her Mom. Of course, I was disappointed in my own
selfish way. But I did understand and hoped that everything would work
out. That in the morning, her Mom would spring out of bed, tell
Jodi she felt like a million bucks and that she should hurry and catch her
flight! Nope. Not so much. I flew out to Reno for my 20th
tournament all alone. No cheering section. No back up. No
support. No team.
This was completely new for me. Every one of the
other 19 years, I had travelled with a team to go to Nationals. (except
that one year where I worked all the way up to the day before the event and had
to fly in on the morning that we bowled team).
I got to Reno and checked in at my hotel. I got
something to eat and then went to the National Bowling Stadium to see if I
could find a team to bowl with. There was a team from New Jersey that
needed one bowler. So, I called them and they offered me their open
spot. Whew! I was going to compete for the 20th consecutive
tournament!! They bowled at the times that I was scheduled to bowl
originally too. So, my squad times were the same. The tournament office
removed my team entry for the tournament and moved it to 2016. So, my
spot for the following year was secured. That was a bonus! The 2016
tournament was going to be in Las Vegas and would most likely be a sell out
because of the change in venue to one of the best cities on the planet. That night, I played Blackjack (as usual),
won money (as usual), and went to bed (not as usual). Usually on my first night, I would play until
the sun came up and take my bankroll back to the room to use for the rest of my
trip or I would play until I gave back all of the money the nice dealers had
pushed to my side of the table.
The next day was the late afternoon squad of the team
event. I lounged during the day. Ate a big midday meal at Hash House A-Go-Go and
washed it down with a Bloody Mary – the BLT one. Yummy! I made my way next door to the bowling
stadium and met up with my team. Really
nice ladies! They gave me a shirt to
wear- just for the event. There’s an
award if your team dresses the same at Nationals. My partner Cheryl was a very cool person to
meet. We had great conversations. We took our team picture before the squad
started, entered the brackets and sat down for the pre-game meeting where the
tournament officials greet you, tell you where all of the participants on your
squad are from and the give out PARTCIPATION AWARDS. First timers to the tournament get a warm
welcome. But if you have been in 20 or
more consecutive tournaments, you get a pin, patch or plaque. This was my year to get a pin.
I was so happy that I had actually made it to 20 consecutive
tournaments. There were lots of
obstacles along the way (finances, accommodations, time off from work, finding
a team), but I made it! And I bowled
pretty well on the first day. When I sub
with a team, I would feel like a failure if I did not bowl my average for the 3
games. The team had spent the day
golfing and they were spent. I did
better than average. On the second day
for doubles and singles, I really did well with a 602 as my high series in
singles and a 1675 for all-events for the weekend. I had my highest finish ever in the
tournament. 3rd place in my
division in singles and 5th in all-events. I truly felt like things were completely
falling apart as I made this trip into the unknown in a familiar setting. The experience caused me to stretch and grow
and reach new heights.
For the 2016 tournament, we are in Las Vegas to compete and to play –
all with one plane ride this year. We
leave in the morning and there are only 2 of us. But we know we will find a few subs and have
another one of the best trips that we have ever had! I have a good feeling
about this year. I will let you know how we do.
Hold on tight. Here we go!
I have heard that one touch of God's favor can put you years ahead in bringing you closer to your destiny. Well, there is favor on my life. I have a vision of what I want to create and where I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I have done two vision boards for this year - one in fhe first month of the year that laid things out generally and one done mid-year to sharpen the vision to the next set of things I want to achieve. This week, I have started to see that vision materialize.
I am stepping into that vision. I want to be a speaker to share my story and to help others who may have similar situations in their lives. I want people to be empowered and equipped not overwhelmed and immobilized. Yesterday and today, I have been given the opportunity to begin that journey. In just 48 hours, I have received 4 opportunities to share my story and my mission with others on a large scale. Just 3 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this even though it is what I desired. But today, I embrace these opportunities and I can't wait to get started! I feel like I am up to the task and I'm ready to be the person that can carry my message. When you are better equipped to do your job, you make more confident decisions and you work from a place of empowerment. You are happier and more relaxed. In turn, the people around you are happier and more relaxed too and you have more peace of mind.
November is National Caregiver Month. I will be very busy letting family caregivers know that even though it is sometimes a lonely and isolated place from which you do your work as a caregiver, you are not alone. There is a community out here that can strengthen you and help you carry the weight of your load. I feel the support of the community already. And I am looking forward to sharing this with others all over Central Florida and beyond.
The theme for this year is respite. It is a mental and physical break from the responsibilities of caregiving in which the caregiver gets to relax and recharge. That break gives you renewed strength and energy to get back into your work rejuvenated. It's not a dream. It should be reality. And it should be done on some sort of a regular basis. There are as many different ways for respite as there are caregivers and each person knows what it takes to recharge their batteries. My hope is to help as many as I can to open their minds and remember what jazzes them and let them know it's ok to do that for themselves. Ultimately, it helps the one they take care of too. So cheers to you for the job you do and not losing yourself in the process! Let's do this!!
I am stepping into that vision. I want to be a speaker to share my story and to help others who may have similar situations in their lives. I want people to be empowered and equipped not overwhelmed and immobilized. Yesterday and today, I have been given the opportunity to begin that journey. In just 48 hours, I have received 4 opportunities to share my story and my mission with others on a large scale. Just 3 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this even though it is what I desired. But today, I embrace these opportunities and I can't wait to get started! I feel like I am up to the task and I'm ready to be the person that can carry my message. When you are better equipped to do your job, you make more confident decisions and you work from a place of empowerment. You are happier and more relaxed. In turn, the people around you are happier and more relaxed too and you have more peace of mind.
November is National Caregiver Month. I will be very busy letting family caregivers know that even though it is sometimes a lonely and isolated place from which you do your work as a caregiver, you are not alone. There is a community out here that can strengthen you and help you carry the weight of your load. I feel the support of the community already. And I am looking forward to sharing this with others all over Central Florida and beyond.
The theme for this year is respite. It is a mental and physical break from the responsibilities of caregiving in which the caregiver gets to relax and recharge. That break gives you renewed strength and energy to get back into your work rejuvenated. It's not a dream. It should be reality. And it should be done on some sort of a regular basis. There are as many different ways for respite as there are caregivers and each person knows what it takes to recharge their batteries. My hope is to help as many as I can to open their minds and remember what jazzes them and let them know it's ok to do that for themselves. Ultimately, it helps the one they take care of too. So cheers to you for the job you do and not losing yourself in the process! Let's do this!!
Caring for Family Caregivers
The company is born! I am a successful business owner! (I will call it into being) Caring for Family Caregivers is here to help other family caregivers know that they are not alone. They have others that they can get information from and rely on. And if they need individual help, I can take them on as a client and develop a personal care plan that they can follow to get control of their personal caregiving situation.
I am starting off small but I think that is probably for the best since I am the only employee. But I believe I have everything I need to get this going. I have mad a number of contacts. And there tons more that I need to meet in order to bring the best information to the people who need it. There are way too many of us for us to be in the dark and searching for answers to questions. People just need to be linked in order to find the answers that already exist. You don't have to re-invent the wheel and start from scratch for each and every thing that you do for the person that you are caring for. 90 million caregivers in the United States and most of them feel insolated and alone in their caregiving. This has got to change. And it can change right here. Right now.
And can I take two seconds to say RESPITE. Small intervals of doing what you like to do for yourself and nobody else does wonders for your mental and physical state of being. You cannot give what you don't have. So, you have to re-charge. You are important. You do make a difference. Many people don't know where they would be and what they would do without you. So cherish yourself as much as others cherish you and honor your feelings and needs. RESPITE is not a nice-to-have. It's a gotta-have! So, plan it or steal it or run out and get some! I want to build some respite activities into the Caring for Family Caregivers package. I am big into coupons and gift certificates for restaurants and local activities. So, I want to have some of those to give to people so that they get some respite. I am also a big sports fan. So, I want to be able to give away tickets to a game every once in a while too. It makes such a big difference when you can go cheer for a team and blow off some steam. We are going to make this thing happen! And our loved ones will be better for it.
I am starting off small but I think that is probably for the best since I am the only employee. But I believe I have everything I need to get this going. I have mad a number of contacts. And there tons more that I need to meet in order to bring the best information to the people who need it. There are way too many of us for us to be in the dark and searching for answers to questions. People just need to be linked in order to find the answers that already exist. You don't have to re-invent the wheel and start from scratch for each and every thing that you do for the person that you are caring for. 90 million caregivers in the United States and most of them feel insolated and alone in their caregiving. This has got to change. And it can change right here. Right now.
And can I take two seconds to say RESPITE. Small intervals of doing what you like to do for yourself and nobody else does wonders for your mental and physical state of being. You cannot give what you don't have. So, you have to re-charge. You are important. You do make a difference. Many people don't know where they would be and what they would do without you. So cherish yourself as much as others cherish you and honor your feelings and needs. RESPITE is not a nice-to-have. It's a gotta-have! So, plan it or steal it or run out and get some! I want to build some respite activities into the Caring for Family Caregivers package. I am big into coupons and gift certificates for restaurants and local activities. So, I want to have some of those to give to people so that they get some respite. I am also a big sports fan. So, I want to be able to give away tickets to a game every once in a while too. It makes such a big difference when you can go cheer for a team and blow off some steam. We are going to make this thing happen! And our loved ones will be better for it.
Let go and let God
If you know me, then you know that I am a slave to clock most of the time. I pride myself in making a schedule and sticking to it. After all, I pretty much would live in a world of chaos if I did not use time to my advantage every day. Finding the right parking space. Getting my favorite seat in a staff meeting. Making all the lights on the way to work. It all has to do with timing. I am pretty comfortable with the tick tock of the clock. But Sunday mornings trying to leave the house on time for church has proven to be quite a challenge. A challenge that has put me over the edge on a few occasions. See, there are a lot of moving parts to a Sunday morning in my house. First of all, it's a 13 hour shift for the CNA who works with us on a Sunday. I don't know about you, but on a 13 hour shift, one may think that it's ok if you are a minute or two late - or 10 or 20. You get the picture.
Inside the house, my Mom has to be willing to wake up an hour earlier than she usually does. And on Saturday nights, she almost always stays up extra late. So getting her to be awake on Sunday morning is a challenge.
But before any of this happens, I get up an hour and a half before the CNA arrives to do "first one in the store" grocery shopping. It takes me 1 hour to complete the task. I race back home and put the groceries away. Then I fill my Mom's med case for the week. In Florida, CNA's cannot help with administration of medication unless it is portioned and not in the medicine bottles. After that's done, I re-stock the Glucerna shakes and apple sauce that she uses each day to take her meds with. And by this time, there should be someone at the front door ready to work for the day. But on occasion, I will get a Sunday morning phone call about the time I finish putting groceries away. The person on the other end has overslept and will be about 30 minutes late. Ok, well, it usually takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get Mom up, showered and dressed for church. Then breakfast can be done in 15 minutes. So, we could be walking out the door by 9:45 and making the 45 minute drive to church and pull up by 10:30. But luckily, it's summertime and church doesn't start until 11.
So, with a 30 minute delay, we should still be "all good" for getting to church on time. So, with my 30 "extra" minutes, I shower and get dressed and then think that I can try to keep us ahead of the game. So. I will do the morning meds. I go in and greet my Mom with a soft "good morning ". And she tells me "good morning, honey". I ask her if she slept well and she says, "yes." Then I ask her if I can take her blood sugar and she replies "yes" once again. I think, "good, she's awake and pleasant. We are going to have a lovely day." I turn around to get her blood sugar kit and go back to her bedside only to find that she has drifted back off to sleep. Just that fast! Uh-oh! So, I gently wake her again and take her waking blood sugar reading. And head to the kitchen to mix up the morning meds. When I get back to her with the medications, she has once again nodded off. I call her softly to wake her, "Mommy". No response. "Mommy". No response. I lightly touch her arm and she jumps and looks at me like I am the devil there to take her down the flaming flagpole after putting her in gasoline underwear. I apologize for startling her and give her the medications. About this time I wonder, where is the CNA who said they would arrive in 30 minutes?
She gets to the house about an hour and a half later than the shift start time. But we still have a slight chance to get out of the house and on the road in order to be on time for church. But once out of the shower, I notice that they are not swift on this day about coming out of the bedroom ready to rock and roll. In fact, they don't come out until about the time we should be walking out of the door for church. I have taken a number of deep, cleansing breaths while I made coffee, sausage for me and scrapple for my Mom (we are from DC with southern roots but she loves this product from Pennsylvania -don't ask), and a cheddar cheese omelet. So, we get Mom set at the table, I giver her insulin and her plate and sit down to eat with her. She asks if we are still going to church or if we are going to stream online. That's what we do if church has already started before we are ready to leave the house. She had been in the house all week. So, it would be really good for her to get out. I tell her that we are going to go to church and we will get there when we get there. I decided on this Sunday that the clock would not stress me out anymore for the day. I refused to drive extra speedy to get us there sooner. I refused to feel any shame for walking into church late. Heck! there are lots of people who come from a lot closer who walk through the door after we do. I chose to get there when we get there.
We arrive at church. Park in a spot of our own making because the ADA spots are filled. And when we get in and situated, we found we had not missed anything that is important to my Mom in service. We had already paid our tithes. We got there before the word was given. So, we got a full church experience and a word for our lives. And I gained a new insight on patience and timeliness and living with less stress. Sometimes, you have to let go and let God show you a thing or two.
Inside the house, my Mom has to be willing to wake up an hour earlier than she usually does. And on Saturday nights, she almost always stays up extra late. So getting her to be awake on Sunday morning is a challenge.
But before any of this happens, I get up an hour and a half before the CNA arrives to do "first one in the store" grocery shopping. It takes me 1 hour to complete the task. I race back home and put the groceries away. Then I fill my Mom's med case for the week. In Florida, CNA's cannot help with administration of medication unless it is portioned and not in the medicine bottles. After that's done, I re-stock the Glucerna shakes and apple sauce that she uses each day to take her meds with. And by this time, there should be someone at the front door ready to work for the day. But on occasion, I will get a Sunday morning phone call about the time I finish putting groceries away. The person on the other end has overslept and will be about 30 minutes late. Ok, well, it usually takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get Mom up, showered and dressed for church. Then breakfast can be done in 15 minutes. So, we could be walking out the door by 9:45 and making the 45 minute drive to church and pull up by 10:30. But luckily, it's summertime and church doesn't start until 11.
So, with a 30 minute delay, we should still be "all good" for getting to church on time. So, with my 30 "extra" minutes, I shower and get dressed and then think that I can try to keep us ahead of the game. So. I will do the morning meds. I go in and greet my Mom with a soft "good morning ". And she tells me "good morning, honey". I ask her if she slept well and she says, "yes." Then I ask her if I can take her blood sugar and she replies "yes" once again. I think, "good, she's awake and pleasant. We are going to have a lovely day." I turn around to get her blood sugar kit and go back to her bedside only to find that she has drifted back off to sleep. Just that fast! Uh-oh! So, I gently wake her again and take her waking blood sugar reading. And head to the kitchen to mix up the morning meds. When I get back to her with the medications, she has once again nodded off. I call her softly to wake her, "Mommy". No response. "Mommy". No response. I lightly touch her arm and she jumps and looks at me like I am the devil there to take her down the flaming flagpole after putting her in gasoline underwear. I apologize for startling her and give her the medications. About this time I wonder, where is the CNA who said they would arrive in 30 minutes?
She gets to the house about an hour and a half later than the shift start time. But we still have a slight chance to get out of the house and on the road in order to be on time for church. But once out of the shower, I notice that they are not swift on this day about coming out of the bedroom ready to rock and roll. In fact, they don't come out until about the time we should be walking out of the door for church. I have taken a number of deep, cleansing breaths while I made coffee, sausage for me and scrapple for my Mom (we are from DC with southern roots but she loves this product from Pennsylvania -don't ask), and a cheddar cheese omelet. So, we get Mom set at the table, I giver her insulin and her plate and sit down to eat with her. She asks if we are still going to church or if we are going to stream online. That's what we do if church has already started before we are ready to leave the house. She had been in the house all week. So, it would be really good for her to get out. I tell her that we are going to go to church and we will get there when we get there. I decided on this Sunday that the clock would not stress me out anymore for the day. I refused to drive extra speedy to get us there sooner. I refused to feel any shame for walking into church late. Heck! there are lots of people who come from a lot closer who walk through the door after we do. I chose to get there when we get there.
We arrive at church. Park in a spot of our own making because the ADA spots are filled. And when we get in and situated, we found we had not missed anything that is important to my Mom in service. We had already paid our tithes. We got there before the word was given. So, we got a full church experience and a word for our lives. And I gained a new insight on patience and timeliness and living with less stress. Sometimes, you have to let go and let God show you a thing or two.
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