It's Been 6 Months

Tuesday of this week marked 6 months since Mommy has been gone from this physical plane.  I am still cleaning out her room, her closet and dresser.  Still disbursing her items to those in need and those who can be blessed, even now, by her generosity.  I am still living with her personal items around me everyday.  At the same time, I am working on turning my house back into my house.  I re-arranged my bedroom to the way it was before I had to listen out nightly in case she needed something.  I got a new bed for myself and moved my old bed into her room to make it a guest room.

In order to make room for my bed to go in, I moved my shoe racks and my laundry hampers across the hall to the third bedroom.  Once my bed was in place, I looked across the hall to that room with my shoes so nicely lined up and thought to myself, “I could make this whole room my closet if I wanted to!”  Needless to say, I have yet to bring my shoes back across the hall.  I think the closet idea is in the works!

I have seen a lot of co-workers face-to-face recently who have called me “world traveler” because they see that I post from all sorts of locations monthly.  I have planned a trip for myself for 7 of the 12 months of this year.  But really, that’s who I am.  I love to travel and I tried to do as much of it as I could when I was a primary caregiver.  Like I have said before, when Mommy got her wings, I got mine too.  And we are both learning how to fly again.

I am making a lot of changes.  But they are changes that bring the real “me” back.  And honor my respect for myself, my body and this life that I have been given.  But I am only making changes as fast or slowly as I want to.  I refuse to be stagnant or to live in the past too much.  Because that does me no good and does not honor my Mom and the person that she helped mold me to be.  I am a lively, vibrant mover and shaker.  And I am always going to show it.  I also don’t feel any pressure to finish moving all of her belonging and be completely finished at any specific measure of time.  I will get to it when I get to it.  When I feel up to it and I can appreciate the work I am doing. Not dread it or be bummed out by it.  It’s like creating little projects for myself instead of one big ball of stuff that needs to be unraveled.  So, I will just do the medicine drawers one day.  And just do the dresser top another day.  And just go through jewelry at a different time.  I will get done eventually.

All in all, I am feeling pretty good about my progress and moving along at my own pace.  I still feel honored that I got to play a role in my Mom’s life over her last decade that was different from any other aspect of our relationship before her stroke.  I know she is at peace and I am enjoying peace too.

Things I see and feel today

It is a very interesting time right now.  Mommy is in CCU. Cardiac Care unit.  Critical Care unit is how it feels.  Life and death decisions are being made here everyday.  In some ways, I don't think we need to be here.  She still has a lot of capacity. She spends time alert and engaged.  She is not on any pain medication.  She responds to let you know how she feels.  But in other ways, she really needs to be here because of the difficulties she is having with respiration and her heart.  She tires quickly and often.  They are still pulling fluid out of her that has accumulated in her lungs making them weak.  Her heart is not working to its optimal potential.   It really is a waiting game and a race against time.  It feels like active limbo. And in rooms all around her, other families are saying goodbye and some families are moving to step down rooms in other areas of the hospital.  Critical is real life all around us.

I am just hoping that I am not missing my lessons from all of this.  And I am praying that rest = healing for my Mom.  I do not feel like I am doing nothing.  I know why I am here.  Every day or every two days, there is a new staff working on this floor with her.  So, I am here to be her voice while she does not have one.  Each new person has an opinion of my Mom from notes left on her chart and from conversations from the shift before.  But they don't really get to know who she is until I have a conversation with them. Then things shift ever so slightly for the better.  I sit during the day and I call at night.  I know she would do the same thing for me.

And I am a believer in the power of prayer and the miracles of God.  So, unlike the professionals that I talk to each day, I really believe that she can come through this and be restored.  I know that she believes as well.  Sometimes it's hard to stand firm. But I am doing it.  I do get frustrated with some who don't share my point of view.  But I have always been a "glass half full" kind of girl.  I think I always will be.  Because nothing and no one can take my joy.  I am always going to see the bright side. Always!  And I also know that we get to start fresh each and every day.  So, here's to the hope that tomorrow brings!  

CCU

My Mom got moved to the critical care unit a few days ago.  The docs and nurses are really nice there.  We are getting straight answers to anything that we ask.  My brother came to town this weekend because we thought that my Mom was going to be having a heart procedure and he wanted to be here for that.  It turns out that she may not be strong enough for the procedure.  She's currently on a ventilator with lots of fluid still in her lungs.  There are lots of prayers going up for her.  I pray for her and I pray for me too.  I pray to be able to know what the right decisions are.  I pray to be able to hear her voice and carry out her wishes.  It's a really tough spot to be in both in the hospital bed and sitting along side of it.

Two Years! Can you believe it!?

Over the years of taking care of my Mom, I learned an awful lot as I navigated through getting the right paperwork to get things done on her behalf, relocating her from MD to FL, selling her house, investing her money, learning how to get answers from medical professionals, making friends with the pharmacist, trusting home health agencies and workers, helping to create a social circle for her, helping to keep her motivated and engaged, working through emotions and frustrations that I had in expecting things from family members and friends.  I never thought that all of these changes would come upon a person and there would be no one resource to help guide you through these things.  I was lucky enough to have others who had been through similar situations share their experiences and key learnings with me to make my road a bit easier.  And from the very beginning, I felt that no one should have to do this alone; without a sounding board or someone to give them direction in getting started; someone to help sift through the many thoughts that arise of doubt and confusion about whether you can even handle being a caregiver.
As I found my voice in speaking up on behalf of my Mom, I also raised my voice to speak to others beginning their journey as family caregivers.  Instead of being a silent, solitary mass of individuals, I think we should be a visible, vocal community that supports one another and shares our good, bad and ugly in order to be better for those that we care for.  And that’s how Caring for Family Caregivers was brought into being.  I hope that I am living up to this purpose and serving the community well. 
As I start a new year with this company, I will continue to bring more efficiencies, education, information and support to family caregivers.  For those of you who have been on this journey with me, thank you for your belief in me and for your support of Caring for Family Caregivers activities.  Thank you for spreading the word that Caring for Family Caregivers exists and thank you for allowing me to serve you since 2015.  I am looking forward to bigger and better things in the future.

Keep Hope Alive

My Mom had a stroke in 2005 and from that time to the present, she has shared with me that she wants to walk again.  You see, she lost the ability to control her left side in her stroke.  The doctors went as far as to say that she has 'left-side deficit" - she doesn't notice that her left side is there.  over the years, she has made a conscious effort to recognize her left side.  And we do exercises and techniques that make her use her left side in her daily activities.

Her CNA's love her and they have for years.  They see my Mom as a sweet, gentle, funny old lady who needs help with her chocolate addiction.  I know my Mom is all of these things but I also know that she is more.  She is tough.  She is determined.  She is wise, cunning and highly intelligent.  When she worked for the US Government, her bosses boss was the Attorney General of the United States.  You don't just coast by on good looks and a smile at that level of the government.  I knew her when.  So, I can push her and I can motivate her.  And she can do the same for me. Even though most of her attempts to support me seem like sabotages to what I am trying to accomplish (but that's for another blog). 

My Mom gained some skills in rehab after her stroke.  She was able to walk with a hemi walker.  A hemi walker is like a cane but it has 4 legs that fold out on the bottom.  But when she came home from rehab, no one got her out of bed to practice walking with her and she lost the ability.  Her leg atrophied.  Her muscles got tight.  Her left foot won't touch the ground.  Daily stretching can help loosen things up.  But it hasn't brought her back to where she used to be.  And with her CNA's being so in love with her, she gets little to no practice at things that will help make her stronger.  As a group, they think it is easier for her to get dressed laying down.  When she sits up, they whisk her into her wheelchair.  I take a different approach.  I have her sit on the side of the bed to get dressed so that she gets the practice of holding herself up unassisted.  Building up her stamina.  And when we do a transfer from the bed to the chair, we stand, pivot and sit.  If she doesn't help in the process, the process stops and we start over.  Even sitting back in her wheelchair is different.  The girls will lift her from behind, under her arms.  I will stand in front of her and support her back while she pushes herself back in the chair.  We leave one foot rest off of the chair so that she can propel herself through the house.  But the girls will still push her from room to room.  So the cushy life that she leads is taking away her ability to do things for herself.  At this point, she is winded after standing for 10 seconds.  Her brain tells her "You have to sit down!!!".

So, she gets a shot at rehab about once a year.  She sets a goal.  She gets 30 days to try to make progress towards that goal.  And in 30 days if significant gains are not made, her rehab has to end and she can re-apply in 6 months.  It's very disheartening, frustrating and very sad.  It's hard to frame it up for her too so that it doesn't seem like a failure.  This is what it is like when using Medicare benefits for rehabilitation services.

For years, I have been trying to find a physical therapist who would work private.  Or one who would work private and make home visits.  Or a personal trainer who would help at home with strength training.  Because of her cushy life, my Mom really does like getting some good physical activity in.  She enjoys the foot and hand bikes.  She enjoys practicing standing using the kitchen sink.  But she will fight you on a walk around the block.  She will say she wants to go and by the time we are 2 houses away, she's ready to come back.  There's nothing better than a busy day when she can fall asleep by 10pm because she is tired from doing things all day.

So, this past week, we attended a luncheon for stroke survivors and there was a presentation by a company called CORE.  They specialize in helping people get back from paralysis to walking unassisted and other improvements in daily living.  They believe that with lots of practice and cues being sent to the brain from a number of different sources, the body will remember how to function in it's original state.  So, every visit to CORE is work!  Work that leads to a goal.  A goal that is attainable.  And you can work at it as long as it takes. They are private pay at $90 per hour-long session.  Mommy can see the benefits of going.  She has agreed to take a tour.  But she hasn't decided whole-heartedly that she is ready to do it.  Because she can see that it will be work.  But once she sees all of the buff physiologists there, I think she will be on board.  She responds so much better and will try harder if she knows a cute guy is counting on her to succeed. Go figure!

I am so hopeful for her future.  I would love to see her reach her goal.  Most of the time, when there is big change, there is big resistance from some area to try to stop the big blessing from happening.  I am on the lookout.  But this time, she can have her dream.  She will have to work for it.  But it can be hers.  I have had visions already of her standing and taking steps again. This will help all of us who come in contact with her.  It will make some areas of care easier.  It will make her world bigger again with fewer limits.  It may mean that I will have to hide the sugar-free chocolates better in the house too.  And she will be a walking testimony to encourage so many.

I look forward to sharing her journey with you.

Life's little heartaches

The BeeGees asked, "How do you mend a broken heart?".  I think that it gets mended through acceptance, strength, forgiveness and moving forward.  The better question may be, "Why do I have a broken heart?"  Because as family caregivers, we have our hearts broken pretty regularly.  We deal with a great deal of loss; loss of the loved one we once knew (changes in physical and mental states), loss of abilities, loss of our own freedom, loss of friends/relationships.  Many times, in order to get through what we have to do as family caregivers, we will create systems and plans and schedules and routines in an effort to gain control over things that we are really not completely in control of.  We visualize what a good day will look like.  We make plans and follow through with them to make the positive outcomes that we are looking for.  Some of us know that these moments will never come again.  So, we want to do everything we can to make the moments perfect.  That's a lot of effort, energy and heart being expended.  So, sometimes when things don't go as planned, we get our hearts broken, our feelings hurt and we experience more loss - loss of the control that we desperately try to have over the uncontrollable.

I find myself in that situation on occasion.  I have tried to lessen the chances of being hurt by having no control over the uncontrollable circumstances that come along.  Lots of times, I give up the control and let the situation roll out the way it is going to roll out and go from being in control to rolling with the punches.  That's part of the resilience of a family caregiver.  But on a rare occasion, you find that you are really looking forward to something (an occasion, an outing, a new piece of medical equipment that will make your life easier) and you put a lot more positive energy there than you even know.  When that plan changes, falls through, gets delayed - it really knocks the wind out of you.  I think when you are still down, it is so important to have at least one person on the planet (not the person that you care for) that you can tell what just threw you for a loop.  When you get to hear yourself explain the situation out loud, automatically, it won't seem as bad as it was when you were the only one carrying the weight.  Hopefully, the person that you talk to will display some empathy and will understand that you just suffered a blow.  Because being heard and acknowledged also will make the situation seem less tragic.  After being heard and acknowledged, I start to see where I am standing and I ask myself if I really need to be there.  Do I need to be THIS upset over a change in plans?  Do I need to be THIS frazzled because we had to leave a restaurant in the middle of the meal? Or do I need to be THIS sad because a social visit got cancelled or postponed?  Most of the time, there are far bigger things to be upset about and this offense can be understood or overlooked.  Put away the horns and other party favors because the pity party has come to an end.  It's time to re-group.  Chalk it up.  Let it go.  See it for what it was.  Take the hate, anger, disgust out of your heart and mind.  Take a deep breath (or a heavy sigh) and keep moving.  If needed, you can even forgive yourself for the way you handled the situation.  Almost always, it's not the end of the world.  As family caregivers, we know that, ultimately, we can't win them all no matter how hard we want to.  So, we sit with it for a while.  It was not what we planned.  But it's OK.  Life continues.  We definitely live and learn.  And we will make it back to happy little by little.  BTW - writing this down for you to read has made me feel tremendously better.  And I am well on the way to mending this most recent broken heart.

Are things falling to pieces? Or are the pieces falling into place?

I was urged to think about this when a friend of mine posted a saying to the effect of sometimes when it looks like things are falling to pieces, it's really the pieces falling into place.  When I find myself in the position where things are falling to pieces I am usually such a wreck that I can't remember the situation.  It is difficult, distressing, shocking to me that I am not in control and cannot stop the avalanche or tidal wave I see approaching that covers everything in it's wake.  But I do have one instance that was a little frightening but not so scarring that I have blocked it from my memory.  So, I will share in this blog.

I am a bowler.  I have been competing since I was a kid.  My Dad was a youth bowling coach for over 50 years and coached both me and my 2 brothers for our entire lives.  I compete annually in the Women's National Championship tournament as an amateur.  So, in 2015, I was scheduled to bowl in my 20th Nationals tournament on Reno, NV in June. My entry was confirmed and paid for by February of that year.  I had a team with 4 spots on it for bowlers.  Sometimes it is a little challenging to get 3 other people to share in your vision and form a team.  People have a hard time with getting the time off of work or away from home.  They have challenges paying for the flight and hotel.  They have challenges paying for the tournament entry.  So, when you lock in your team, you have already done a fair bit of work.  For this tournament, I was only able to fill my roster with 3 bowlers.  I got a half of a commitment from a 4th person.  But when it came time to pay for things and buy a plane ticket, the truth came out and she was unable to travel with us.  So, it's not so bad to have one opening on the team.  There's a substitution bulletin board at the tournament site for this kind of dilemma.  It wouldn't be the first time that I had been on a team that had to grab a sub at the tournament.  And we were bowling in the event about halfway through the full window of the competition.  The tournament ran for months and ended in July.  We were bowling at the beginning of June.  So, there should be subs available. So, then, we were 3.  So, as we were booking flights, the 3rd bowler looked at the days that we were flying and realized that she was scheduled to bowl a different tournament, in a different city in Nevada over the same dates.  There was no replacing her either.  So, we had gotten one sub before at a tournament.  How hard could it be to get two subs for the team event?  All we can do is try.

The two of us remaining on the team secured our room and our flights.  I was travelling with the best doubles partner and travelling companion in the whole world.  We have travelled together for just about a decade.  So, we have a great time. We share common interests like casinos, cocktails and good food, fine Vegas entertainment and relaxing at the spa.  We have never had a bad trip.  We always find the fun no matter what we are doing.  Flight delays don't steal our joy.  Lost luggage doesn't phase us.  We always have a great time in every situation.  Because of this, we always plan a trip to Reno paired with a trip to Vegas.  Hey!  We made it all the way out there!  We might as well make the most of it!  So, 2 days in Reno and 3 days in Vegas and our trip itinerary was complete.

 

 So, both me and my bowling bestie have responsibilities to our Moms.  They help us out and we take care of them when they need it.  Jodi's Mom helps her with her kids tremendously and Jodi stays on top of what her Mom's medical needs are.   During this particular year, Jodi's Mom had been having a variety of problems with her knees, her heart, her gall bladder and general feelings on lethargy. Oh, and blood clots!  She had been in and out of the hospital during the year.  But she was at a good point as we were planning to leave for our trip.  But as fate would have it, she went into the hospital 2 weeks before our trip for a one week stay.  We were still hoping that she would have her strength back and be able to hold things down at the house while we were gone.  She reassured Jodi that she was fine and that she should go to the tournament with no worries.  But you know how you get the feeling that someone is putting on a front?  That their words and actions don't exactly match up?  That's the impression that Jodi got.  And the night before the flight, she told me that she was going to have to stay home just to be sure everything was OK with her Mom.  Of course, I was disappointed in my own selfish way.  But I did understand and hoped that everything would work out.  That in the morning,  her Mom would spring out of bed, tell Jodi she felt like a million bucks and that she should hurry and catch her flight!  Nope.  Not so much.  I flew out to Reno for my 20th tournament all alone.  No cheering section.  No back up.  No support.  No team.

This was completely new for me.  Every one of the other 19 years, I had travelled with a team to go to Nationals.  (except that one year where I worked all the way up to the day before the event and had to fly in on the morning that we bowled team).

I got to Reno and checked in at my hotel.  I got something to eat and then went to the National Bowling Stadium to see if I could find a team to bowl with.  There was a team from New Jersey that needed one bowler.  So, I called them and they offered me their open spot.  Whew!  I was going to compete for the 20th consecutive tournament!!  They bowled at the times that I was scheduled to bowl originally too.  So, my squad times were the same. The tournament office removed my team entry for the tournament and moved it to 2016.  So, my spot for the following year was secured.  That was a bonus!  The 2016 tournament was going to be in Las Vegas and would most likely be a sell out because of the change in venue to one of the best cities on the planet.  That night, I played Blackjack (as usual), won money (as usual), and went to bed (not as usual).  Usually on my first night, I would play until the sun came up and take my bankroll back to the room to use for the rest of my trip or I would play until I gave back all of the money the nice dealers had pushed to my side of the table.

The next day was the late afternoon squad of the team event.  I lounged during the day.  Ate a big midday meal at Hash House A-Go-Go and washed it down with a Bloody Mary – the BLT one. Yummy!  I made my way next door to the bowling stadium and met up with my team.  Really nice ladies!  They gave me a shirt to wear- just for the event.  There’s an award if your team dresses the same at Nationals.  My partner Cheryl was a very cool person to meet.  We had great conversations.  We took our team picture before the squad started, entered the brackets and sat down for the pre-game meeting where the tournament officials greet you, tell you where all of the participants on your squad are from and the give out PARTCIPATION AWARDS.  First timers to the tournament get a warm welcome.  But if you have been in 20 or more consecutive tournaments, you get a pin, patch or plaque.  This was my year to get a pin.

I was so happy that I had actually made it to 20 consecutive tournaments.  There were lots of obstacles along the way (finances, accommodations, time off from work, finding a team), but I made it!  And I bowled pretty well on the first day.  When I sub with a team, I would feel like a failure if I did not bowl my average for the 3 games.  The team had spent the day golfing and they were spent.  I did better than average.  On the second day for doubles and singles, I really did well with a 602 as my high series in singles and a 1675 for all-events for the weekend.  I had my highest finish ever in the tournament.  3^rd place in my division in singles and 5^th in all-events.  I truly felt like things were completely falling apart as I made this trip into the unknown in a familiar setting.  The experience caused me to stretch and grow and reach new heights.

For the 2016 tournament,   we are in Las Vegas to compete and to play – all with one plane ride this year.  We leave in the morning and there are only 2 of us.  But we know we will find a few subs and have another one of the best trips that we have ever had! I have a good feeling about this year. I will let you know how we do.



Caring for Family Caregivers

The company is born!  I am a successful business owner! (I will call it into being)  Caring for Family Caregivers is here to help other family caregivers know that they are not alone.  They have others that they can get information from and rely on.  And if they need individual help, I can take them on as a client and develop a personal care plan that they can follow to get control of their personal caregiving situation.

I am starting off small but I think that is probably for the best since I am the only employee.  But I believe I have everything I need to get this going.  I have mad a number of contacts.  And there tons more that I need to meet in order to bring the best information to the people who need it.  There are way too many of us for us to be in the dark and searching for answers to questions.  People just need to be linked in order to find the answers that already exist.  You don't have to re-invent the wheel and start from scratch for each and every thing that you do for the person that you are caring for.  90 million caregivers in the United States and most of them feel insolated and alone in their caregiving.  This has got to change.  And it can change right here.  Right now.

And can I take two seconds to say RESPITE.  Small intervals of doing what you like to do for yourself and nobody else does wonders for your mental and physical state of being. You cannot give what you don't have.  So, you have to re-charge.  You are important.  You do make a difference.  Many people don't know where they would be and what they would do without you.  So cherish yourself as much as others cherish you and honor your feelings and needs.  RESPITE is not a nice-to-have.  It's a gotta-have!  So, plan it or steal it or run out and get some!  I want to build some respite activities into the Caring for Family Caregivers package.  I am big into coupons and gift certificates for restaurants and local activities.  So, I want to have some of those to give to people so that they get some respite.  I am also a big sports fan.  So, I want to be able to give away tickets to a game every once in a while too.  It makes such a big difference when you can go cheer for a team and blow off some steam.  We are going to make this thing happen!  And our loved ones will be better for it.

Let go and let God

If you know me, then you know that I am a slave to clock most of the time.  I pride myself in making a schedule and sticking to it.  After all, I pretty much would live in a world of chaos if I did not use time to my advantage every day.  Finding the right parking space.  Getting my favorite seat in a staff meeting.  Making all the lights on the way to work.  It all has to do with timing.  I am pretty comfortable with the tick tock of the clock.  But Sunday mornings trying to leave the house on time for church has proven to be quite a challenge.  A challenge that has put me over the edge on a few occasions.  See, there are a lot of moving parts to a Sunday morning in my house.  First of all, it's a 13 hour shift for the CNA who works with us on a Sunday.  I don't know about you, but on a 13 hour shift, one may think that it's ok if you are a minute or two late - or 10 or 20.  You get the picture.

Inside the house, my Mom has to be willing to wake up an hour earlier than she usually does.  And on Saturday nights, she almost always stays up extra late.  So getting her to be awake on Sunday morning is a challenge.

But before any of this happens, I get up an hour and a half before the CNA arrives to do "first one in the store" grocery shopping.  It takes me 1 hour to complete the task. I race back home and put the groceries away.  Then I fill my Mom's med case for the week.  In Florida, CNA's cannot help with administration of medication unless it is portioned and not in the medicine bottles.  After that's done, I re-stock the Glucerna shakes and apple sauce that she uses each day to take her meds with.  And by this time, there should be someone at the front door ready to work for the day.  But on occasion, I will get a Sunday morning phone call about the time I finish putting groceries away.  The person on the other end has overslept and will be about 30 minutes late.  Ok, well, it usually takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get Mom up, showered and dressed for church.  Then breakfast can be done in 15 minutes.  So, we could be walking out the door by 9:45 and making the 45 minute drive to church and pull up by 10:30.  But luckily, it's summertime and church doesn't start until 11.

So, with a 30 minute delay, we should still be "all good" for getting to church on time.  So, with my 30 "extra" minutes, I shower and get dressed and then think that I can try to keep us ahead of the game.  So. I will do the morning meds.  I go in and greet my Mom with a soft "good morning ". And she tells me "good morning, honey". I ask her if she slept well and she says, "yes."  Then I ask her if I can take her blood sugar and she replies "yes" once again.  I think, "good, she's awake and pleasant.  We are going to have a lovely day."  I turn around to get her blood sugar kit and go back to her bedside only to find that she has drifted back off to sleep.  Just that fast!  Uh-oh!  So, I gently wake her again and take her waking blood sugar reading. And head to the kitchen to mix up the morning meds.  When I get back to her with the medications, she has once again nodded off.  I call her softly to wake her, "Mommy". No response.  "Mommy". No response.  I lightly touch her arm and she jumps and looks at me like I am the devil there to take her down the flaming flagpole after putting her in gasoline underwear.  I apologize for startling her and give her the medications.  About this time I wonder, where is the CNA who said they would arrive in 30 minutes?

She gets to the house about an hour and a half later than the shift start time.  But we still have a slight chance to get out of the house and on the road in order to be on time for church. But once out of the shower, I notice that they are not swift on this day about coming out of the bedroom ready to rock and roll.  In fact, they don't come out until about the time we should be walking out of the door for church.  I have taken a number of deep, cleansing breaths while I made coffee, sausage for me and scrapple for my Mom (we are from DC with southern roots but she loves this product from Pennsylvania -don't ask), and a cheddar cheese omelet.  So, we get Mom set at the table, I giver her insulin and her plate and sit down to eat with her.  She asks if we are still going to church or if we are going to stream online.  That's what we do if church has already started before we are ready to leave the house.  She had been in the house all week.  So, it would be really good for her to get out.  I tell her that we are going to go to church and we will get there when we get there.  I decided on this Sunday that the clock would not stress me out anymore for the day.  I refused to drive extra speedy to get us there sooner.  I refused to feel any shame for walking into church late.  Heck!  there are lots of people who come from a lot closer who walk through the door after we do. I chose to get there when we get there.

We arrive at church.  Park in a spot of our own making because the ADA spots are filled.  And when we get in and situated, we found we had not missed anything that is important to my Mom in service.  We had already paid our tithes.  We got there before the word was given.  So, we got a full church experience and a word for our lives.  And I gained a new insight on patience and timeliness and living with less stress.  Sometimes, you have to let go and let God show you a thing or two.

All Good

It's really nice to see that I am not the only one who cares.  I decided this year that I would stop fighting harder for people than they were willing to fight for themselves.  The morning after the crazy breadstick incident, my Mom decided when she heard that her waking blood sugar was in the high 200's that she would take it easy on the carbs and increase her fluid intake to help herself get her blood sugar back to a more healthy range.  I didn't have to say a word the whole day.  And I didn't.  I was just so happy that she realized that she had temporarily lost her damn mind.  The night before, she made everyone feel like we were being unfair to her when in reality, she was a breadstick eating fiend (temporarily).  I'm pretty proud of her for taking control of her own situation and owning her situation.  With that attitude, she will have a number of good years ahead.

Damn - What a Night!!!

Always be thankful for a new day. As long as you see one, it's gonna be a good day. Please always keep that in mind. There are many things that can come acroos your path in the course of a day. But if you had the chance to see another day, you are on the good side. Doesn't matter how you face it or what time you join in. Just make sure you are there.