Slow Down and Listen

We arrived early for Mom's first visit to CORE for the new year.  My Mom told me that she didn't want to participate at CORE on this day. After we had already driven 30 minutes to get there through midday traffic on a highway that is under construction.   She just wanted to stay home and watch a movie. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to be specific. She said she wanted me to watch it with her.  I was a little deflated when she brought up that she just didn’t feel like doing anything that day. But I honored her wishes and we went back home. I figured she was just a little comfortable since the holidays. That was her pass. After we got to the house, I had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon.  When I got home at the end of my workday, I asked if she had watched the movie and she told me no.  She was waiting for me to watch with her. 

The month of January is very busy for me at work. I have had 2 or more events a week during this month. This means that I get home well after dinner time and only manage to have dinner with Mommy about 2 or 3 nights a week. I wake up and leave for work and she is asleep and many times I come home and she is asleep. So we have not spent a lot of time together this month.  

So for the last 2 weeks, every time we get into the car to go to CORE, she asks if we really have to go. And then I go from frustrated because I am going to a lot of effort to get her there twice a week to a pep talk to get her ready to go and be ready to give it her all when we get there.  

On this last Friday, we didn't even make it out of the front door of the house and she said, “Do we have to go to CORE today?”  I got very frustrated and asked her, “Are we going to do this every time we get ready to go to CORE? This needs to stop!”   

When we got in the car, she told me that she didn't mean that she did not want to go. She meant that since I was off from work, there were many things we could do together and places we could go that would be fun instead of going to CORE. 

Then I thought OH!!!  What she is saying is that she wants to spend some quality time with me. And that she has missed me since I have been away so much this month. I thought about what it must be like to only leave the house for medical reasons. How boring!  There are a million other places to go on the planet. She was right.

When she had all of her abilities, she used to decide that we were going to the movies and that we would see whatever was starting when we got there. And on this particular day she wanted to go to the movies after CORE and she told me we will see whatever is starting when we get there. We ended up seeing a good film. Not really one we had heard of before.  But we were pleasantly surprised by it.

On Saturday, we went to the movies on purpose and saw Hidden Figures. It was a great movie and we had a really good time together. Mommy was in the government at the time that the story took place. So of course after the film, I asked her a lot of questions about what her experience was during the 50's and 60's working in the US Government. 

After the movies, we went home and I had to go into work for about 3 hours. When I got home I went in and sat with Mommy for a little while. She said that she had a great day with me and that it was really fun. I am happy that I listened to more than her words and I heard her heart and was able to stop and take some time to spend with her.

I forgot that my work schedule affects more people than just me. The CNA's who have to spend more hours with my Mom. My Mom who goes days without seeing me. My friends who lose touch during my busier times at work.   I have to keep this in mind in the future and try to be more mindful of those around me.  Call home in the middle of the day just to say Hi and check on how things are going.  And make an effort to add some fun into those longer stretches after I have been unavailable.