What's The Worst They Can Say?

OK you guys!  I think I am getting the hang of this "living my best life" thing.  I have spent many of my 51 years on Earth living in fear.  Our parents taught us to have a "healthy fear" of suspected dangers. Look both ways before you cross the street.  Don't touch the stove because it's hot. Hold onto the handrail going down the steps when you are wearing your socks and DON'T RUN!  So, basically before I had developed my language skills, I had developed fears in my life.  Then, limitations were placed on me and I allowed them to anchor and take a firm hold.  Limiting thoughts such as," I can't run faster than the boys.", "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.", "I'm not good at math." and "I need a boyfriend." became part of my vocabulary and part of who I was sure I was.

For me, it took a long time and a loving God for me to begin to embrace who I really am and what the truth about me really is.  All of the statements above that were perceived  by me to be true are false.  Yes, I don't NEED a boyfriend but I would LIKE to have one at some point. :-)  There is a good life for me and I am beginning to live it.  I create my reality with my thoughts, words and actions.  Just because something may have been true yesterday, does not make it true today (unless it is the word of God).  I am committed to learning and growing and I have been, actively for the last 12 years.  And as I apply the things that I have learned, it is becoming more evident that I am more willing to take what I would have considered as risks.  I am more willing to ask bold questions that challenge rather than questions that produce safe, easy answers.  I ask for access and knowledge that leads to access into places that are new for me.  What's the worst anyone can say?  NO.  I think I have heard NO enough to be able to handle it one more time without crumbling into a blubbering pile of worthlessness. 

So when you see me, I may look different and you might think it's my hair or my glasses.  But it's what's under that hair and what's behind those glasses that has changed. Romans 12 verse 2 of the Holy Bible will give you a little more insight.  Fear is not driving my actions or my decision-making.  Love is the motivation behind my actions.  Love for myself and love for those I come in contact with.  And frankly, love for myself may take me out of some social circles.  So, don't hate if we don't see each other as much as we used to.  It's all good.  I may just have to love you from a distance.  But I still have love for you.

All of the small actions I take are beginning to take shape into a bigger and better life.  There is a true transformation at hand.  And the evidence is on the way.  In three years, I am going to look back to 2018 and say, "WOW!  Look at how far I have come!".

Time Marches On

This weekend will be my first Mothers Day without my Mom being able to receive a balloon and a card.  The first one that I don't make her whatever she wants to eat.  The first one in many years that I will not buy her a new outfit.  I will remember her fondly and the many things that she did and said to me to make me feel special.  I will remember her style and her smile.  Her sense of humor and the sound of her laughter.

I am going to be with the rest of my family during this time because we have so much to celebrate.  My oldest nephew is graduating from law school.  His sister will celebrate a birthday next week.  I have another nephew graduating from high school in the next 2 weeks.  And I am always in celebration mode when I am around my great niece.  She is an 18 month old ball of energy and attitude.  I love all of my family so much.  But with all of this happiness, my heart breaks that my Mom isn't physically here to be a part of the party.  She loved a good party.  And tried to never miss a good one.

I know in my heart and soul, that each time we smile and each time we cry and each time we embrace and share our love, my Mom is there with us.  And it will all be ok.  I hope I can help the young ones to feel the love and share laughter while they feel the loss.  It's so good that we will be together and so sucks that we will feel the big hole left with both matriarchs missing.  I am preparing to be unprepared for this ebb and flow of emotions.  And I will just roll with it. I have never been in this space before so whatever happens is just fine.  It's time to take it easy on myself once again while looking forward to the whole experience.

Victory in Life and Death

I have to tell everyone who reads this that I know God works in my life and in the lives of those connected to me.  And God was the orchestrator of the way things went with my Mom's passing.  I don't think that we could have had a more loving, peaceful, harmonious atmosphere and experience than the one that we experienced.  And I am content, peaceful and I have a good feeling in my soul that we did everything in the best, loving interest of my Mom.  No regrets!

My family came together like never before and each one of us has a unique set of skills that we brought to the situation.  I did a lot of the communication to allow people who wanted to spend time and say their goodbye's to get there in time.  My brother was a supportive sounding board and has a way of connecting with people on a level that I just don't possess.  And my sister-in-law came in for one very critical day and used all of her nursing powers to make sure that Mommy had the best and most appropriate care and we had the best environment to spend time with Mommy right up until the end.

She was surrounded by friends, family, her Pastors and lots of love as her final journey from this world began at 2pm on Tuesday afternoon.  As midnight fell, the family decided we would go home to rest and come back in the morning.  Just as we were going to leave, my brother said that he wanted to stay.  So, my sister-in-law and I said goodnight to the two of them and we went home.  After 10 years with my Mom, it is only fitting and right to allow my brother to have his time with Mommy too.  Nothing could have been more perfect.  I slept so deeply and comfortably.  No tossing and turning.  No dreams.  No "to-do" lists running through my head.

At 6:02AM on Wednesday, November 1st, I heard my text message alert.  I checked the phone and saw these 6 words "I think she just slipped away".  I was in the hospital room by 6:18AM to say my very last goodbye to the best Mommy I have ever known.

As the day continued, Stevie and I went to have breakfast in one of Mommy's (and Daddy's) favorite restaurants.  We set an appointment with the funeral home.  My best friend joined us to do some of the heavy lifting for the day. We went and made arrangements for cremation.  We purchased thank you cards.  We reflected.  We talked to family members and friends who needed to be notified on Mommy's passing.  At about 4pm, I thought to myself, "I have seen her face for the last time."  It wasn't a sad thought.  It was a surprising thought.  We went to bed at about 9PM on Wednesday night completely exhausted from the day's events but completely content that we did the best that we could do for our Mom.

The thought that I woke up with on Thursday morning was that Mommy got her wings and I did too.  Both of us will have an adjustment time getting used to them.  But we will both learn to use them again and soar to new heights in joy and in victory.  Just like Mommy, I get a renewed freedom.  I can accelerate my dreams.  I can step out into the light and take a look around at what awaits me.  I can help more people and I can do it in person to hold someone's hand and walk them through tough times like some that I have experienced over the years.  I am excited about the future and sharing lessons I have learned with my Mom to others all over.

Won't He do it!?

I just have to take a moment and explain what I have experienced spiritually over the past week.  I have been a bit stressed (as you can imagine) with the race against time that it seems that my Mom is involved in.  The catch 22 between aggressively working to clear the fluid from her lungs to help her breathe on her own and the toll that it could take on heart if they were too aggressive and getting her safely off the ventilator before permanent damage occurs..  So I have had a specific order in mind of how things wold need to go.  Cardiology had an idea too of what they needed to see before they would consider her for the heart procedure that she needed.  The doc told us weeks ago that unless he saw more activity and awareness from her and clearing up of her infection, she would not be a candidate for the procedure.  He continued, talking right over her,  to explain all of the complications with the procedure that could lead to another stroke if there were calcifications, death if the aortic valve was ripped in the process, possible need for blood transfusion, and so on and so on.  This same doc only came back 2 more times with doom and gloom and the expectation that Mommy was supposed to snap to when he was around.  He spoke very loudly when he addressed her (like that would get her to respond to him). And on his last visit, he just asked us "how is she today?" Right over her again like she wasn't even there.  So I asked her, "how are you today, Mommy?"  And she answered me and he heard the answer.  Needless to say, we did not like him much.  So from that point on, another member of his team had been assigned to monitor my Mom.  That was about 2 weeks ago.  The other members of the team were nicer, less self-centered and more patient-centered.

 So, I had been praying for Mommy's lungs to be clear of fluid.  And for her to be restored.  And for it to be quick.  And for me to be patient so that God could be God and handle Mommy's case but for God to hurry up.  And for God to kick the devil in his butt and get him out of here.  And then, I felt like I should do what I am here for and turn everything thing else over to God.  Just concentrate on what I am here for.  To be the voice of the voiceless person in the hospital bed that I love dearly.  To make sure that her wishes are known and acted upon.  And to encourage people and to come from a place of joy and love in all of my interactions in this place.  That is all.

Yesterday I got a phone call from inside the hospital while I was in the cardiac waiting room (also in the hospital).   It was the doc who had been so negative about Mommy being able to have a heart procedure.  He explained to me that she was scheduled for the procedure the very next day.  Today!  He then went over, one more time, all of the things that could go wrong. But said if we understood, he was ready to do it.  And I thought to myself:
 1.  This is really sudden.
2.  This is the guy that said she didn't qualify and was really unpleasant about it.
3.  Wow!  There's no way that we could have orchestrated this twist.
4.  Look what happens when you do what you can and God does what only He can!

The procedure went well today and the doc came out encouraged.  No blockages.  He increased the opening through which blood passes about 40% and says that it should last about six months.  Long enough for her to continue to recover and be a candidate for the more permanent procedure.  And he said with a smile, "I am encouraged."  All I can think is that God will use who he wants to use for your good.  He will change the hearts and minds of who He wants to change to make things happen for those who are faithful.  Won't He do it!?  I am so grateful that He will and He does!!

Things I see and feel today

It is a very interesting time right now.  Mommy is in CCU. Cardiac Care unit.  Critical Care unit is how it feels.  Life and death decisions are being made here everyday.  In some ways, I don't think we need to be here.  She still has a lot of capacity. She spends time alert and engaged.  She is not on any pain medication.  She responds to let you know how she feels.  But in other ways, she really needs to be here because of the difficulties she is having with respiration and her heart.  She tires quickly and often.  They are still pulling fluid out of her that has accumulated in her lungs making them weak.  Her heart is not working to its optimal potential.   It really is a waiting game and a race against time.  It feels like active limbo. And in rooms all around her, other families are saying goodbye and some families are moving to step down rooms in other areas of the hospital.  Critical is real life all around us.

I am just hoping that I am not missing my lessons from all of this.  And I am praying that rest = healing for my Mom.  I do not feel like I am doing nothing.  I know why I am here.  Every day or every two days, there is a new staff working on this floor with her.  So, I am here to be her voice while she does not have one.  Each new person has an opinion of my Mom from notes left on her chart and from conversations from the shift before.  But they don't really get to know who she is until I have a conversation with them. Then things shift ever so slightly for the better.  I sit during the day and I call at night.  I know she would do the same thing for me.

And I am a believer in the power of prayer and the miracles of God.  So, unlike the professionals that I talk to each day, I really believe that she can come through this and be restored.  I know that she believes as well.  Sometimes it's hard to stand firm. But I am doing it.  I do get frustrated with some who don't share my point of view.  But I have always been a "glass half full" kind of girl.  I think I always will be.  Because nothing and no one can take my joy.  I am always going to see the bright side. Always!  And I also know that we get to start fresh each and every day.  So, here's to the hope that tomorrow brings!  

PCU

So the hospitalization continues.  Thankfully, Mommy made it out of ICU.  She is now in PCU, the medical progressive care unit.  She has been in this unit for going on 7 days now. It allows eyes on her regularly and it allows the rapid response team (from ICU) to pop in on her and see how she is doing.  She is still using the bipap at night to be able to breathe more easily.  And during the day, she has the oxygen tube in her nose.  The biggest problem with that it that the machine is so loud that she stays awake at night when wearing it.  Then she needs her rest and sleeps most of the day.  So, it seems that the heart issues are serious enough to need immediate attention.  There should be a procedure done within the next few days to help her blood flow which could help her clear her lungs and get back on track.  So, during this phase, I have learned a few things.  I am the expert on the topic of my Mom.  The people here in the hospital have never seen her before.  They don't know what a good day looks like.  And I have to stand up and speak for her when she cannot speak for herself.  I am very grateful for the people who work with us daily who stay with my Mom each day.  They have been so wonderful at keeping me informed when I was not sitting in the room.  I am also grateful for family who are actively interested in what's going on here in Florida.  And I am grateful for the prayer warriors and those who may be praying for the first time in order to do what they can to help.  I also learned that I can spend hours away from the hospital and feel good about my decision.  I have spent every night sleeping in my own bed.  We only live minutes from the hospital.  So, I stay until about midnight (earlier some nights) and then go home to bed.  That has helped me feel good taking care of my cats, having all of my stuff around me getting ready in the morning.  And I feel better rested with no sounds of beeping, chimes of all kinds, carts rolling or random conversations.  Then I have a better mental status and I have to have that to make decisions that I will be able to live with.   I have also learned what is most important.  I know what is important by what has fallen to the wayside during the last couple of weeks.  Laundry is not that important (yet).  Cooking once a week has worked out really well for me.  I am knocking on wood because I have not been late on any bills.  And I am learning how to work from just about anywhere.  I am practicing being present.  I am only going to commit to being in one place at a time.  It does not do me any good to be at work or at my home and mentally walking the halls of the hospital.  And it doesn't do me any good to be anxious while I am sitting in the hospital room because I feel like I should be somewhere else doing something else.  I take breaks and walk to the lobby.  I go down to the cafeteria.  I don't torture myself staying put if I don't have to.  And food and water are essential to life.  So, I have been packing snacks and eating meals ( at least twice a day).  I had to start somewhere, right?  I have not told a lot of people locally that Mommy is in the hospital.  She is not in the kind of environment where she can receive food or flowers.  And to tell you the truth, visitors take a lot of energy to entertain and Mommy just doesn't have a lot of energy right now.  And I am not a good hostess in this environment.  I feel more like a protective mama bear than the hostess with the mostest.  So, the circle is pretty small right now.  And I am good with this.  More later...  Much love.

I See You

My Mom is currently in the hospital.  She has pneumonia, congestive heart failure, aortic stenosis (narrowing of the aortic valve),  and lots of fluid in her lungs in addition to the pneumonia.  She is in the ICU and has been there for 3 days so far.  It is a long road to get rid of this nastiness.  And it seems I am way more patient than the patient.  She didn't even think she needed to go to the ER much less be admitted into the hospital or go to ICU.  So, needless to say, she is ready to go home every minute of every day.  Currently, she needs support to get deep breaths.  So, she is using a mask similar to a CPAP but the machine is bigger. It's called a Bi PAP.  The best thing for her is rest.  She needs to stay calm to heal.  But she is anxious when she is awake.  This is a very tough time for her and for me watching this unfold.  I know she can kick this even though there are a lot of things that are not in her favor at the moment.  As the infection goes away, I know she will get stronger.  It's hard to see her so uncomfortable.  It's hard giving updates to family and friends daily.  It's hard making a schedule that works.  It's hard knowing what the priority should be.  It's hard knowing where I should focus my attention.  It's hard to focus period.  My hours awake are really starting to outweigh my sleeping hours (not that they were ever really balanced.)  Sleep and prayer are the two most important factors for me and for Mommy.  As I am writing this at nearly 1AM, I am going to sleep now and start fresh tomorrow with prayer for the best direction.  More later...

Exactly What It Takes

It's getting very close to the time that I leave for vacation.  I want to be able to take a mental and physical vacation away from home with no caregiving responsibilities. There are a lot of things that I am going to do in order to be able to spend a care-free time on vacation and be completely present and in the moment.

I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away.  And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans.  Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each.  I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to.  I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.

I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time.  In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone. 

I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.

I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food. 

I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed. 

And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go.  If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it.  And we can't have that!!

More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her.  And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine.  I have done enough.  I have nothing to worry about.  The people at the house have got the helm.  I will be off duty with no worries.

It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries.  But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it.  And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity.  There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore.  Those days are long gone for a good, long while.  This trip is the closest I have come since 2005.  And this one sure wasn't just a whim.  It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality.  I am so so ready!!!

So, I have a lot left to do.  But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve.  I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!

Real Change Takes Real Effort

I am coming to the end of the time that I have been working with the nutritionist.  I have all the tools I need to be successful in eating in a healthy, complete, nutritious, portion-controlled way.  So, it really is all up to me to do it.  I have not been as diligent as I can be with it.  But now that I am about to be released to continue on this journey alone, I need to put my practice into action instead of it just being theory.  I have also added exercise into the mix.  And I have had the same kind of feelings.  I think I want success to just happen.  I was not really willing to put in the kind of effort that would be considered EFFORT.  I think, for both of these components, I was just kind of going through the motions.  But I recognize that I need to step up my game and stop hiding with all the other people in the world who are ordinary and just walking through it.  I need to face the facts that: I am determined.  I can succeed in amazing ways.  I am not ashamed to be successful.  And I am not ashamed to be outstanding!!  For a week I have been wrestling with breaking out of the mold and really shining or just mixing in and being average and less than my fully realized self.  It's really not about being perfect.  It's about giving it all that I have for me - by me and not selling myself short or dumbing down for others to be comfortable.  I am making small gains now.  But big things are just around the corner.  I am coming to claim what's mine!! 

Adding to the mix

So I am at the 9 week mark of working with a dietician and I am beginning to grasp a new mindset.  I am starting to think in terms of food groups and portion sizes.  I still have to measure things in order to be absolutely sure that I am having the right amount.  The areas where I do the poorest at this are with creamer in coffee, full fat dressing on salads and popcorn.  The areas where I do the best with measuring is with ounces of lean protein and with how much of each grain I should be eating.  And I must say that I am incredibly awesome with measuring my veggies (that is when I eat them).  Sometimes my weekends do not include veggies.  I will get better at that.  I just know I will.

I am embarking on week 2 of going to the gym!!  I marched in there last week and plopped down some money for a membership and for 4 personal training sessions.  I think starting with the trainer was the BEST thing I have done for myself since increasing how much water I drink each day.  I realized that I could probably have lost another year by thinking that I was ready to go back to the gym and I would just know what to do when I got in there.  I think what stopped me from committing to exercise was just that; I did not know where to start when I got in the gym.  I am good at reading a map and at following directions.  So, when I got a written out plan of what to do each day that I go in the gym, I was relieved and empowered to move forward.  Next thing was to get my body on board.  So, in order to make sure that I have no conflicts with working out, I am going to the gym at a crazy early hour of the day like 6:30am.  I have to eat 30 minutes before I work out (which is 6am).  And I have to wake up and take medication that requires no eating for 30 minutes after taking it (so that's 5:30am).  Needless to say, my body clock was not very happy with this turn of events.  And I spent all of last week a little drowsy and cranky by the end of the day.  I started going to sleep a little earlier and consistently getting up early.  The only day that I didn't was on Sunday.  I slept in 2 hours later than I had for the rest of the week.

I did really well with my assessment and my first workout.  And by "well" I mean I didn't pass out or need the bucket like on The Biggest Loser".  I went home each day and got back in the bed for another hour after the workouts!  My muscles were really sore towards the end of the day.  I was not sure if I was going to be able to complete two more back-to-back days with that level of soreness and stiffness.  I massaged my muscles and took a hecka hot shower, took some Aleve and went to bed.  The next morning I was still sore and apprehensive about whether I was going to be able to support my own body weight doing things like planks, push-up's and lunges.  But I was able to.  And I found that my muscles, while engaged, were less sore.  They went back to aching when they were at rest.  And by my 3 days off for the week, the soreness went away.

I just started my second week and I feel that I did a lot better today working with the trainer than I did last week.  I was not defeated by any activity.  I was able to do them all and I had a challenge with each set I completed.  I think I am going to enjoy this new addition.  I am going to work with the trainer once a week for 12 weeks (10 more to go) and see where I land.  Hopefully, I will have a new habit established by then.

This week, I am going to be more diligent about measuring.  I am hoping to see some good results on the scale by week 3.  I know it takes a little while to balance out.  Muscles are expanding before they contract and they weigh more than fat.  Also being better hydrated makes it look like you are gaining but that's false.  So, I will stay the course, trust the process and put the work in.  HERE WE GO!!!!

The Struggle is Real

I find myself at a point that I never imagined myself in.  Not good or bad.  Just unexpected and my reality:

1.       50 years old and unmarried

2.       Living with and caring for my Mother for almost 10 years

3.       2 cats

4.       20 pounds over the weight where I am most comfortable

5.       Very mad at specific men that makes me not trust any man to get close to me

6.       Unhappy and disappointed in myself

7.       Not coping well with the loss that if feel and trying to ignore it everyday

There was a time when, even though I tried to fight it off and not let it in, the voices of others and how they defined me spoke to me louder than my own voice.  As I ended a bad marriage of 3 years, it took me almost 2 years until I was built back up again.  Only to allow myself to be defined 5 more significant times by people who had their best interests at heart, not mine.  The last time this happened was just in the past year.

So, as I took down the 2016 calendar where my goal was to lose 10 pounds over the course of the year, I looked at January – my starting weight.  Then, I looked at December – my ending weight and I had changed by 9 pounds.  But not by losing them.  I gained 9 pounds over the course of the year.  That made 3 years in a row where I had gained.  And then I realized that I have fallen out of love with myself.  I tell myself affirmations daily and I don’t hate on my body anymore in words or thoughts.  But I don’t think I believe or trust my self-talk to myself.  Somewhere in me, I lost respect for myself as I worked harder and did more for others than I would do on my own behalf.  I let myself down and I broke my own heart.

I have been trying to find a way to apologize to me and to commit to myself and forgive myself for my own contributions and actions in my past. And I think I really need to go back to square one.  Spend time with myself and my thoughts.  Allowing myself time to heal and to once again appreciate me and all the wonderful things I bring to the world.  I am valuable.  I am important.  I am smart.  I do have worth.  And none of this is determined by others.  And if no one else in the world sees this in me that does not mean that I should be silenced and take these gifts away from the world.  I need to bring my full self with me everywhere I go.  And I need to confidently speak up for myself everywhere I go.  My heart and my consideration and compassion for others will keep me from becoming an egotistical jerk.  So, I’m not out to get a big head but I don’t want to downplay myself for anyone else’s comfort.

It’s time to put me back on my priority list.  And I need to honor myself inside and out.  Consistency will be the key.  I can’t just be good to myself once a week.  I need to be good to me everyday.  I do this through the foods I eat, the water I drink, the walks I take, the books I read, the music I listen to and the things and people I say NO to in order to get to my ultimate goals – not being derailed by others.  And I will tell myself that I am truly sorry and I will believe it this time because I am my authentic and true self.  I will save myself a lot of hassle in the future when I open my mouth to say how I feel instead of opening my mouth to eat my feelings and bury them.  Taking a walk to clear my head may prevent me from not being able to fall asleep because of so much on my mind.  Writing all of this stuff down actually helps me to breathe better, deeper and stress dissipates.  Listening to music instantly changes my mood when outdated tracks start playing in my head.  I have been spending more time each day with God and this has been going on for most of 2016.  I have been reading the Bible and praying each morning (sometimes praying with the wrong focus for the wrong things – but I have also received Divine correction).  I have been listening more and recognizing and acknowledging the Holy Spirit as it works in my life.  And this is leading me toward scriptures that feed me just what I need when I need it.  So I am working on appreciating me – mind, body, soul. And being grateful for all that I have, all that I am and all that I bring to the world.

Don't Lose Sight of your Dreams

That's it!  I am going to take a bold leap here.  I am going to move and shift my thinking from, "I want to do a trip to Greece for my 50th birthday." to "I am making plans to take MY 50th birthday trip to Greece!"  My birthday is in 6 months and many of my closest friends and people standing closest to me at parties have heard for the last decade that I want to take a trip to Greece for my 50th year.  As I stepped off of my last Royal Caribbean cruise a year ago, I grabbed the catalog for 2016 cruises.  Of course, since my birthday is in December, I wanted to go during my 50th year.  So, in essence, Spring/Summer of 2017.

This morning when I woke up all I could think of was, "Crap! My birthday is in 6 months!!  I have to plan a trip to Greece!!  I am not going to let this be a wish that floats on by.  I need to take action to make this happen!  And I don't care if I go all alone.  I AM GOING!!"

So as of June 30, 2016, I am starting a Greece savings account at my credit union.  I picked the cruise that I am interested in taking.  The dates on the ship will be 7/2-7/9/2017  And I want to spend 3 days touring around Rome since that's where the ship leaves and returns.  So, my itinerary is starting to form.  This is really happening.  Right now!   As I get more details, I want to open the opportunity for people who would like to join me on this journey.  Because I am so darn fun to hang out with and I know if you want to take this trip, you are fun too!

I think in almost every aspect of my life I am living my dreams and I want this to be my reality.  I thought in the past that I would have to put my life on hold while taking care of Mommy was my top priority.  Over the past 10 years, I have learned that I can have a full life AND be a family caregiver.  So, full steam ahead!  I will spend the first part of July 2017 in Italy and Greece and then come home to celebrate Mommy's 82nd birthday with her.  It is possible to do it all.  And if anyone can, it's me!

I will add more to the story over the next year of planning and I hope some of you will be with me as we celebrate.  There are only a few things that I have wanted for a long, long time that I have actually seen materialize.  So, I'm looking forward to this experience.  Let's do this!!!