OK you guys! I think I am getting the hang of this "living my best life" thing. I have spent many of my 51 years on Earth living in fear. Our parents taught us to have a "healthy fear" of suspected dangers. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don't touch the stove because it's hot. Hold onto the handrail going down the steps when you are wearing your socks and DON'T RUN! So, basically before I had developed my language skills, I had developed fears in my life. Then, limitations were placed on me and I allowed them to anchor and take a firm hold. Limiting thoughts such as," I can't run faster than the boys.", "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.", "I'm not good at math." and "I need a boyfriend." became part of my vocabulary and part of who I was sure I was.
For me, it took a long time and a loving God for me to begin to embrace who I really am and what the truth about me really is. All of the statements above that were perceived by me to be true are false. Yes, I don't NEED a boyfriend but I would LIKE to have one at some point. :-) There is a good life for me and I am beginning to live it. I create my reality with my thoughts, words and actions. Just because something may have been true yesterday, does not make it true today (unless it is the word of God). I am committed to learning and growing and I have been, actively for the last 12 years. And as I apply the things that I have learned, it is becoming more evident that I am more willing to take what I would have considered as risks. I am more willing to ask bold questions that challenge rather than questions that produce safe, easy answers. I ask for access and knowledge that leads to access into places that are new for me. What's the worst anyone can say? NO. I think I have heard NO enough to be able to handle it one more time without crumbling into a blubbering pile of worthlessness.
So when you see me, I may look different and you might think it's my hair or my glasses. But it's what's under that hair and what's behind those glasses that has changed. Romans 12 verse 2 of the Holy Bible will give you a little more insight. Fear is not driving my actions or my decision-making. Love is the motivation behind my actions. Love for myself and love for those I come in contact with. And frankly, love for myself may take me out of some social circles. So, don't hate if we don't see each other as much as we used to. It's all good. I may just have to love you from a distance. But I still have love for you.
All of the small actions I take are beginning to take shape into a bigger and better life. There is a true transformation at hand. And the evidence is on the way. In three years, I am going to look back to 2018 and say, "WOW! Look at how far I have come!".
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
It's Been 6 Months
Tuesday of this week marked 6 months since Mommy has been
gone from this physical plane. I am
still cleaning out her room, her closet and dresser. Still disbursing her items to those in need
and those who can be blessed, even now, by her generosity. I am still living with her personal items
around me everyday. At the same time, I
am working on turning my house back into my
house. I re-arranged my bedroom to the
way it was before I had to listen out nightly in case she needed
something. I got a new bed for myself
and moved my old bed into her room to make it a guest room.
In order to make room for my bed to go in, I moved my shoe
racks and my laundry hampers across the hall to the third bedroom. Once my bed was in place, I looked across the
hall to that room with my shoes so nicely lined up and thought to myself, “I
could make this whole room my closet if I wanted to!” Needless to say, I have yet to bring my shoes
back across the hall. I think the closet
idea is in the works!
I have seen a lot of co-workers face-to-face recently who
have called me “world traveler” because they see that I post from all sorts of
locations monthly. I have planned a trip
for myself for 7 of the 12 months of this year.
But really, that’s who I am. I
love to travel and I tried to do as much of it as I could when I was a primary
caregiver. Like I have said before, when
Mommy got her wings, I got mine too. And
we are both learning how to fly again.
I am making a lot of changes. But they are changes that bring the real “me”
back. And honor my respect for myself,
my body and this life that I have been given.
But I am only making changes as fast or slowly as I want to. I refuse to be stagnant or to live in the
past too much. Because that does me no
good and does not honor my Mom and the person that she helped mold me to
be. I am a lively, vibrant mover and
shaker. And I am always going to show
it. I also don’t feel any pressure to
finish moving all of her belonging and be completely finished at any specific
measure of time. I will get to it when I
get to it. When I feel up to it and I
can appreciate the work I am doing. Not dread it or be bummed out by it. It’s like creating little projects for myself
instead of one big ball of stuff that needs to be unraveled. So, I will just do the medicine drawers one
day. And just do the dresser top another
day. And just go through jewelry at a
different time. I will get done
eventually.
All in all, I am feeling pretty good about my progress and
moving along at my own pace. I still
feel honored that I got to play a role in my Mom’s life over her last decade
that was different from any other aspect of our relationship before her stroke. I know she is at peace and I am enjoying peace too.
Exactly What It Takes
It's getting very close to the time that I leave for vacation. I want to be able to take a mental and physical vacation away from home with no caregiving responsibilities. There are a lot of things that I am going to do in order to be able to spend a care-free time on vacation and be completely present and in the moment.
I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away. And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans. Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each. I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to. I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.
I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time. In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone.
I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.
I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food.
I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed.
And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go. If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it. And we can't have that!!
More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her. And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine. I have done enough. I have nothing to worry about. The people at the house have got the helm. I will be off duty with no worries.
It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries. But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it. And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity. There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore. Those days are long gone for a good, long while. This trip is the closest I have come since 2005. And this one sure wasn't just a whim. It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality. I am so so ready!!!
So, I have a lot left to do. But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve. I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!
I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away. And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans. Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each. I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to. I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.
I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time. In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone.
I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.
I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food.
I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed.
And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go. If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it. And we can't have that!!
More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her. And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine. I have done enough. I have nothing to worry about. The people at the house have got the helm. I will be off duty with no worries.
It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries. But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it. And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity. There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore. Those days are long gone for a good, long while. This trip is the closest I have come since 2005. And this one sure wasn't just a whim. It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality. I am so so ready!!!
So, I have a lot left to do. But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve. I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!
Real Change Takes Real Effort
I am coming to the end of the time that I have been working with the nutritionist. I have all the tools I need to be successful in eating in a healthy, complete, nutritious, portion-controlled way. So, it really is all up to me to do it. I have not been as diligent as I can be with it. But now that I am about to be released to continue on this journey alone, I need to put my practice into action instead of it just being theory. I have also added exercise into the mix. And I have had the same kind of feelings. I think I want success to just happen. I was not really willing to put in the kind of effort that would be considered EFFORT. I think, for both of these components, I was just kind of going through the motions. But I recognize that I need to step up my game and stop hiding with all the other people in the world who are ordinary and just walking through it. I need to face the facts that: I am determined. I can succeed in amazing ways. I am not ashamed to be successful. And I am not ashamed to be outstanding!! For a week I have been wrestling with breaking out of the mold and really shining or just mixing in and being average and less than my fully realized self. It's really not about being perfect. It's about giving it all that I have for me - by me and not selling myself short or dumbing down for others to be comfortable. I am making small gains now. But big things are just around the corner. I am coming to claim what's mine!!
This is a real tough thing to get good at!
I am on my second week of working with the dietitian. I did lose half of a pound during my first week, trying to get my footing. This week, I am concentrating more on using my food log, planning my meals and getting all of my portions in. I only had one back slide this week. (I had to have a fitting farewell to cheese. Not proud of it but it happened.)
I have had a very hard time trying to get a good food schedule going with my work schedule. I have had some unusual days where I worked longer than expected stints. I went longer than I should have without eating due to needing to be in place for work things. I also got caught up with running errands on my day off and went too long without eating because I didn't want to stop and get fast food and I didn't pack any snacks. Ugh! I do now understand that food gives you the energy and ability to concentrate that you have to fake if you don't eat in a timely fashion. I could actually feel when I needed to eat. I had a noticeable drop in energy and it became hard to concentrate. When I did get to eat (maybe 30 -45 minutes after I needed to), I immediately felt better. It was kind of freaky. Lesson learned!!
This is the first week where I actually ate right every day not just weekdays. So, I noticed in order to have enough fresh food, I need two trips to the grocery store a week. But I am surely spending less money on shopping trips buying more real food and less things in boxes and entrees in the freezer section.
So, I am still learning and I am getting smarter with every day that goes by. I hope I can get more comfortable with meals and snacks plus when to eat them. And I think I need to be able to pull myself away from activities in order to eat. I really think that part of this has to do with realizing my worth and standing up for myself. I mean, a human need is a human need. The world will be just fine if I take 15 minutes to eat - or even 30 minutes! Everybody knows it. I just have to know it too. And be solid in it before it's too late for me to get a meal in.
I have had a very hard time trying to get a good food schedule going with my work schedule. I have had some unusual days where I worked longer than expected stints. I went longer than I should have without eating due to needing to be in place for work things. I also got caught up with running errands on my day off and went too long without eating because I didn't want to stop and get fast food and I didn't pack any snacks. Ugh! I do now understand that food gives you the energy and ability to concentrate that you have to fake if you don't eat in a timely fashion. I could actually feel when I needed to eat. I had a noticeable drop in energy and it became hard to concentrate. When I did get to eat (maybe 30 -45 minutes after I needed to), I immediately felt better. It was kind of freaky. Lesson learned!!
This is the first week where I actually ate right every day not just weekdays. So, I noticed in order to have enough fresh food, I need two trips to the grocery store a week. But I am surely spending less money on shopping trips buying more real food and less things in boxes and entrees in the freezer section.
So, I am still learning and I am getting smarter with every day that goes by. I hope I can get more comfortable with meals and snacks plus when to eat them. And I think I need to be able to pull myself away from activities in order to eat. I really think that part of this has to do with realizing my worth and standing up for myself. I mean, a human need is a human need. The world will be just fine if I take 15 minutes to eat - or even 30 minutes! Everybody knows it. I just have to know it too. And be solid in it before it's too late for me to get a meal in.
Making ME a Priority
So, in January, I made a promise to myself to do better and be better when it come to taking care of myself. Well, the Universe is all in favor of this because in no time and without searching, I found a registered dietitian to help me get back on track. I scheduled and kept my last three doctor's appointments and I feel good that I put myself back on my own radar. But I don't want this to be obligatory. I don't want to give up on me because it's too hard to keep up with or I am too tired to do all of the prep work that comes with doing the right things or worse of all, I don't want to stop caring because it seems no one else cares. I am enough. Nobody else needs to put energy or emphasis on me or my well being except me. I am enough of a reason. I have to make me and my well being MY priority. If I can be meticulous about my Mom's schedule, then I can be just as meticulous with my own.
I used to think that I had to keep myself in shape in order to be able to help my Mom with her physical needs. Sure, it is true that I need strength and balance to help her. But I need to be in good shape so that I can live to the ripe old 81 that my Mom has made it to. And be just as inappropriate as she is because at 81, you can say what you mean and not worry how others are going to take it! So, I have to give care to myself as well as to others. It just takes a little planning (which I am good at) and a daily diligence and attention. I am with me everyday. So, I really should make the most of it.
So, I am re-learning how to eat the right foods in the right amounts. BTW, any food can be the right food. Don't get it twisted! This should be a forever change. Not a diet or quick fix. I just got off track by taking my attention away from me and what is important for me. I have spent the last 6 years basically in the same size clothing. So, I didn't get too off track. But those clothes have fit a number of different ways based on how my weight has fluctuated over the years. Now, I want them fit comfortably again.
I am concentrating on one thing at a time and hoping that in 3 months I will have all of the pieces in place and be back on the right road. So, this week, I am just trying to get used to how many servings from each food group I should eat each day. And trying my best to eat them all each day. So far, I have only had one completely successful day. Over the weekend, I overindulged in wine and did not eat enough green veggies. Monday, I ate all of my veggies but I missed a serving of grain. Eventually, before the week is out, I will get it a better grip on it. Who knows, it may take 2 weeks or more before I really feel it is a part of me. Seriously, it is not about being perfect but it is all about doing my best each day, learning more each day and applying it for a better tomorrow. And so, this is my attitude heading into the days to come. I feel that I am being true to myself and not being too critical of myself as I get my footing. I am hoping to find myself and be forgiving of myself as continue on this journey.
Does a working Family Caregiver ever relax???
I wear a number of hats. I have an employee hat. I have a daughter hat. I have a sister hat. I have an entrepreneur hat. And the relational hats of cousin, friend, neighbor and acquaintance. But I think the most important at the moment is the family caregiver hat. I always feel like there is a demand on me. I always feel like there is something to be completed to be checked off of one of my many "to do" lists. And if I am not doing something, I feel like I am a slacker. I even schedule time with nothing on my calendar. That is supposed to be my "down time'. I actually had to have a friend of mine tell me it was ok to spend the weekend doing nothing. - meaning not reaching a new goal or crossing something off of my list. I had to get permission to not feel guilty for just being myself for a short period of time. I should probably self-regulate better than I am doing right now. I feel like everything is piling up in every area. So, I feel like I should be working every waking minute but I know that this is not good for me. I need to take a different approach. I need to allow myself to have a day off without feeling guilty as if I don't deserve downtime. And I shouldn't have to have someone outside of myself confirm for me that it's OK to chill for a minute. I think I need to more clearly define and set aside work time in order to clearly define and set aside off time. And I need to be true to myself and speak my truth. I am spending too much time doing things that really are not important to me just because I was asked. So, instead of being 100% in the moment, I am thinking to myself, "I really should be doing something else right now". So, I am creating this anxiety. It's time to turn it off and shut it down.
Sitting here writing this blog is step one. This is one of the things that I really should have been doing. I know I am not the only person on the planet who feels like I am overwhelmed because I try to do too much and make others happy. But I have to consider myself in this scenario and make sure I stay happy too. And blogging (clearing my mind) makes me happy. When I start the day doing something just for me (pray, reflect, write down my dream from the night before), I feel a lot better than days that I start with a fire drill of any kind. It's hard to get back to my place of peace. When I start on the "what do I have to do" path, it's hard to step off of it and I end up exhausted a the end of the day because I found many things to answer that question.
Yesterday, I sat down and organized bills first thing in the morning. So, I am straight going into next month. That takes a whole lot of stress off of me. If I don't organize, everyday, it seems like I am playing catch up and I don't know where I stand on due dates or dollar amounts. And then I feel bad for not organizing and I feel bad for not caring enough to organize and I feel bad because I am not being responsible. On and on and on.
So, I am talking myself off of the ledge and going back inside the window - no longer threatening to jump. It's a way better feeling. So, friends - I hope you understand if I decline a few of your offers to go out. I will take a rain check hoping to catch you next time. I am trying to do a better job of not spreading myself too thin. Getting myself back on track and balanced. And to answer the question, "Does a family caregiver ever relax?", I believe the answer is YES. But just like getting to Carnegie Hall, it takes practice, practice, practice.
Sitting here writing this blog is step one. This is one of the things that I really should have been doing. I know I am not the only person on the planet who feels like I am overwhelmed because I try to do too much and make others happy. But I have to consider myself in this scenario and make sure I stay happy too. And blogging (clearing my mind) makes me happy. When I start the day doing something just for me (pray, reflect, write down my dream from the night before), I feel a lot better than days that I start with a fire drill of any kind. It's hard to get back to my place of peace. When I start on the "what do I have to do" path, it's hard to step off of it and I end up exhausted a the end of the day because I found many things to answer that question.
Yesterday, I sat down and organized bills first thing in the morning. So, I am straight going into next month. That takes a whole lot of stress off of me. If I don't organize, everyday, it seems like I am playing catch up and I don't know where I stand on due dates or dollar amounts. And then I feel bad for not organizing and I feel bad for not caring enough to organize and I feel bad because I am not being responsible. On and on and on.
So, I am talking myself off of the ledge and going back inside the window - no longer threatening to jump. It's a way better feeling. So, friends - I hope you understand if I decline a few of your offers to go out. I will take a rain check hoping to catch you next time. I am trying to do a better job of not spreading myself too thin. Getting myself back on track and balanced. And to answer the question, "Does a family caregiver ever relax?", I believe the answer is YES. But just like getting to Carnegie Hall, it takes practice, practice, practice.
Keep Hope Alive
My Mom had a stroke in 2005 and from that time to the present, she has shared with me that she wants to walk again. You see, she lost the ability to control her left side in her stroke. The doctors went as far as to say that she has 'left-side deficit" - she doesn't notice that her left side is there. over the years, she has made a conscious effort to recognize her left side. And we do exercises and techniques that make her use her left side in her daily activities.
Her CNA's love her and they have for years. They see my Mom as a sweet, gentle, funny old lady who needs help with her chocolate addiction. I know my Mom is all of these things but I also know that she is more. She is tough. She is determined. She is wise, cunning and highly intelligent. When she worked for the US Government, her bosses boss was the Attorney General of the United States. You don't just coast by on good looks and a smile at that level of the government. I knew her when. So, I can push her and I can motivate her. And she can do the same for me. Even though most of her attempts to support me seem like sabotages to what I am trying to accomplish (but that's for another blog).
My Mom gained some skills in rehab after her stroke. She was able to walk with a hemi walker. A hemi walker is like a cane but it has 4 legs that fold out on the bottom. But when she came home from rehab, no one got her out of bed to practice walking with her and she lost the ability. Her leg atrophied. Her muscles got tight. Her left foot won't touch the ground. Daily stretching can help loosen things up. But it hasn't brought her back to where she used to be. And with her CNA's being so in love with her, she gets little to no practice at things that will help make her stronger. As a group, they think it is easier for her to get dressed laying down. When she sits up, they whisk her into her wheelchair. I take a different approach. I have her sit on the side of the bed to get dressed so that she gets the practice of holding herself up unassisted. Building up her stamina. And when we do a transfer from the bed to the chair, we stand, pivot and sit. If she doesn't help in the process, the process stops and we start over. Even sitting back in her wheelchair is different. The girls will lift her from behind, under her arms. I will stand in front of her and support her back while she pushes herself back in the chair. We leave one foot rest off of the chair so that she can propel herself through the house. But the girls will still push her from room to room. So the cushy life that she leads is taking away her ability to do things for herself. At this point, she is winded after standing for 10 seconds. Her brain tells her "You have to sit down!!!".
So, she gets a shot at rehab about once a year. She sets a goal. She gets 30 days to try to make progress towards that goal. And in 30 days if significant gains are not made, her rehab has to end and she can re-apply in 6 months. It's very disheartening, frustrating and very sad. It's hard to frame it up for her too so that it doesn't seem like a failure. This is what it is like when using Medicare benefits for rehabilitation services.
For years, I have been trying to find a physical therapist who would work private. Or one who would work private and make home visits. Or a personal trainer who would help at home with strength training. Because of her cushy life, my Mom really does like getting some good physical activity in. She enjoys the foot and hand bikes. She enjoys practicing standing using the kitchen sink. But she will fight you on a walk around the block. She will say she wants to go and by the time we are 2 houses away, she's ready to come back. There's nothing better than a busy day when she can fall asleep by 10pm because she is tired from doing things all day.
So, this past week, we attended a luncheon for stroke survivors and there was a presentation by a company called CORE. They specialize in helping people get back from paralysis to walking unassisted and other improvements in daily living. They believe that with lots of practice and cues being sent to the brain from a number of different sources, the body will remember how to function in it's original state. So, every visit to CORE is work! Work that leads to a goal. A goal that is attainable. And you can work at it as long as it takes. They are private pay at $90 per hour-long session. Mommy can see the benefits of going. She has agreed to take a tour. But she hasn't decided whole-heartedly that she is ready to do it. Because she can see that it will be work. But once she sees all of the buff physiologists there, I think she will be on board. She responds so much better and will try harder if she knows a cute guy is counting on her to succeed. Go figure!
I am so hopeful for her future. I would love to see her reach her goal. Most of the time, when there is big change, there is big resistance from some area to try to stop the big blessing from happening. I am on the lookout. But this time, she can have her dream. She will have to work for it. But it can be hers. I have had visions already of her standing and taking steps again. This will help all of us who come in contact with her. It will make some areas of care easier. It will make her world bigger again with fewer limits. It may mean that I will have to hide the sugar-free chocolates better in the house too. And she will be a walking testimony to encourage so many.
I look forward to sharing her journey with you.
Her CNA's love her and they have for years. They see my Mom as a sweet, gentle, funny old lady who needs help with her chocolate addiction. I know my Mom is all of these things but I also know that she is more. She is tough. She is determined. She is wise, cunning and highly intelligent. When she worked for the US Government, her bosses boss was the Attorney General of the United States. You don't just coast by on good looks and a smile at that level of the government. I knew her when. So, I can push her and I can motivate her. And she can do the same for me. Even though most of her attempts to support me seem like sabotages to what I am trying to accomplish (but that's for another blog).
My Mom gained some skills in rehab after her stroke. She was able to walk with a hemi walker. A hemi walker is like a cane but it has 4 legs that fold out on the bottom. But when she came home from rehab, no one got her out of bed to practice walking with her and she lost the ability. Her leg atrophied. Her muscles got tight. Her left foot won't touch the ground. Daily stretching can help loosen things up. But it hasn't brought her back to where she used to be. And with her CNA's being so in love with her, she gets little to no practice at things that will help make her stronger. As a group, they think it is easier for her to get dressed laying down. When she sits up, they whisk her into her wheelchair. I take a different approach. I have her sit on the side of the bed to get dressed so that she gets the practice of holding herself up unassisted. Building up her stamina. And when we do a transfer from the bed to the chair, we stand, pivot and sit. If she doesn't help in the process, the process stops and we start over. Even sitting back in her wheelchair is different. The girls will lift her from behind, under her arms. I will stand in front of her and support her back while she pushes herself back in the chair. We leave one foot rest off of the chair so that she can propel herself through the house. But the girls will still push her from room to room. So the cushy life that she leads is taking away her ability to do things for herself. At this point, she is winded after standing for 10 seconds. Her brain tells her "You have to sit down!!!".
So, she gets a shot at rehab about once a year. She sets a goal. She gets 30 days to try to make progress towards that goal. And in 30 days if significant gains are not made, her rehab has to end and she can re-apply in 6 months. It's very disheartening, frustrating and very sad. It's hard to frame it up for her too so that it doesn't seem like a failure. This is what it is like when using Medicare benefits for rehabilitation services.
For years, I have been trying to find a physical therapist who would work private. Or one who would work private and make home visits. Or a personal trainer who would help at home with strength training. Because of her cushy life, my Mom really does like getting some good physical activity in. She enjoys the foot and hand bikes. She enjoys practicing standing using the kitchen sink. But she will fight you on a walk around the block. She will say she wants to go and by the time we are 2 houses away, she's ready to come back. There's nothing better than a busy day when she can fall asleep by 10pm because she is tired from doing things all day.
So, this past week, we attended a luncheon for stroke survivors and there was a presentation by a company called CORE. They specialize in helping people get back from paralysis to walking unassisted and other improvements in daily living. They believe that with lots of practice and cues being sent to the brain from a number of different sources, the body will remember how to function in it's original state. So, every visit to CORE is work! Work that leads to a goal. A goal that is attainable. And you can work at it as long as it takes. They are private pay at $90 per hour-long session. Mommy can see the benefits of going. She has agreed to take a tour. But she hasn't decided whole-heartedly that she is ready to do it. Because she can see that it will be work. But once she sees all of the buff physiologists there, I think she will be on board. She responds so much better and will try harder if she knows a cute guy is counting on her to succeed. Go figure!
I am so hopeful for her future. I would love to see her reach her goal. Most of the time, when there is big change, there is big resistance from some area to try to stop the big blessing from happening. I am on the lookout. But this time, she can have her dream. She will have to work for it. But it can be hers. I have had visions already of her standing and taking steps again. This will help all of us who come in contact with her. It will make some areas of care easier. It will make her world bigger again with fewer limits. It may mean that I will have to hide the sugar-free chocolates better in the house too. And she will be a walking testimony to encourage so many.
I look forward to sharing her journey with you.
Life's little heartaches
The BeeGees asked, "How do you mend a broken heart?". I think that it gets mended through acceptance, strength, forgiveness and moving forward. The better question may be, "Why do I have a broken heart?" Because as family caregivers, we have our hearts broken pretty regularly. We deal with a great deal of loss; loss of the loved one we once knew (changes in physical and mental states), loss of abilities, loss of our own freedom, loss of friends/relationships. Many times, in order to get through what we have to do as family caregivers, we will create systems and plans and schedules and routines in an effort to gain control over things that we are really not completely in control of. We visualize what a good day will look like. We make plans and follow through with them to make the positive outcomes that we are looking for. Some of us know that these moments will never come again. So, we want to do everything we can to make the moments perfect. That's a lot of effort, energy and heart being expended. So, sometimes when things don't go as planned, we get our hearts broken, our feelings hurt and we experience more loss - loss of the control that we desperately try to have over the uncontrollable.
I find myself in that situation on occasion. I have tried to lessen the chances of being hurt by having no control over the uncontrollable circumstances that come along. Lots of times, I give up the control and let the situation roll out the way it is going to roll out and go from being in control to rolling with the punches. That's part of the resilience of a family caregiver. But on a rare occasion, you find that you are really looking forward to something (an occasion, an outing, a new piece of medical equipment that will make your life easier) and you put a lot more positive energy there than you even know. When that plan changes, falls through, gets delayed - it really knocks the wind out of you. I think when you are still down, it is so important to have at least one person on the planet (not the person that you care for) that you can tell what just threw you for a loop. When you get to hear yourself explain the situation out loud, automatically, it won't seem as bad as it was when you were the only one carrying the weight. Hopefully, the person that you talk to will display some empathy and will understand that you just suffered a blow. Because being heard and acknowledged also will make the situation seem less tragic. After being heard and acknowledged, I start to see where I am standing and I ask myself if I really need to be there. Do I need to be THIS upset over a change in plans? Do I need to be THIS frazzled because we had to leave a restaurant in the middle of the meal? Or do I need to be THIS sad because a social visit got cancelled or postponed? Most of the time, there are far bigger things to be upset about and this offense can be understood or overlooked. Put away the horns and other party favors because the pity party has come to an end. It's time to re-group. Chalk it up. Let it go. See it for what it was. Take the hate, anger, disgust out of your heart and mind. Take a deep breath (or a heavy sigh) and keep moving. If needed, you can even forgive yourself for the way you handled the situation. Almost always, it's not the end of the world. As family caregivers, we know that, ultimately, we can't win them all no matter how hard we want to. So, we sit with it for a while. It was not what we planned. But it's OK. Life continues. We definitely live and learn. And we will make it back to happy little by little. BTW - writing this down for you to read has made me feel tremendously better. And I am well on the way to mending this most recent broken heart.
I find myself in that situation on occasion. I have tried to lessen the chances of being hurt by having no control over the uncontrollable circumstances that come along. Lots of times, I give up the control and let the situation roll out the way it is going to roll out and go from being in control to rolling with the punches. That's part of the resilience of a family caregiver. But on a rare occasion, you find that you are really looking forward to something (an occasion, an outing, a new piece of medical equipment that will make your life easier) and you put a lot more positive energy there than you even know. When that plan changes, falls through, gets delayed - it really knocks the wind out of you. I think when you are still down, it is so important to have at least one person on the planet (not the person that you care for) that you can tell what just threw you for a loop. When you get to hear yourself explain the situation out loud, automatically, it won't seem as bad as it was when you were the only one carrying the weight. Hopefully, the person that you talk to will display some empathy and will understand that you just suffered a blow. Because being heard and acknowledged also will make the situation seem less tragic. After being heard and acknowledged, I start to see where I am standing and I ask myself if I really need to be there. Do I need to be THIS upset over a change in plans? Do I need to be THIS frazzled because we had to leave a restaurant in the middle of the meal? Or do I need to be THIS sad because a social visit got cancelled or postponed? Most of the time, there are far bigger things to be upset about and this offense can be understood or overlooked. Put away the horns and other party favors because the pity party has come to an end. It's time to re-group. Chalk it up. Let it go. See it for what it was. Take the hate, anger, disgust out of your heart and mind. Take a deep breath (or a heavy sigh) and keep moving. If needed, you can even forgive yourself for the way you handled the situation. Almost always, it's not the end of the world. As family caregivers, we know that, ultimately, we can't win them all no matter how hard we want to. So, we sit with it for a while. It was not what we planned. But it's OK. Life continues. We definitely live and learn. And we will make it back to happy little by little. BTW - writing this down for you to read has made me feel tremendously better. And I am well on the way to mending this most recent broken heart.
Hold on tight. Here we go!
I have heard that one touch of God's favor can put you years ahead in bringing you closer to your destiny. Well, there is favor on my life. I have a vision of what I want to create and where I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I have done two vision boards for this year - one in fhe first month of the year that laid things out generally and one done mid-year to sharpen the vision to the next set of things I want to achieve. This week, I have started to see that vision materialize.
I am stepping into that vision. I want to be a speaker to share my story and to help others who may have similar situations in their lives. I want people to be empowered and equipped not overwhelmed and immobilized. Yesterday and today, I have been given the opportunity to begin that journey. In just 48 hours, I have received 4 opportunities to share my story and my mission with others on a large scale. Just 3 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this even though it is what I desired. But today, I embrace these opportunities and I can't wait to get started! I feel like I am up to the task and I'm ready to be the person that can carry my message. When you are better equipped to do your job, you make more confident decisions and you work from a place of empowerment. You are happier and more relaxed. In turn, the people around you are happier and more relaxed too and you have more peace of mind.
November is National Caregiver Month. I will be very busy letting family caregivers know that even though it is sometimes a lonely and isolated place from which you do your work as a caregiver, you are not alone. There is a community out here that can strengthen you and help you carry the weight of your load. I feel the support of the community already. And I am looking forward to sharing this with others all over Central Florida and beyond.
The theme for this year is respite. It is a mental and physical break from the responsibilities of caregiving in which the caregiver gets to relax and recharge. That break gives you renewed strength and energy to get back into your work rejuvenated. It's not a dream. It should be reality. And it should be done on some sort of a regular basis. There are as many different ways for respite as there are caregivers and each person knows what it takes to recharge their batteries. My hope is to help as many as I can to open their minds and remember what jazzes them and let them know it's ok to do that for themselves. Ultimately, it helps the one they take care of too. So cheers to you for the job you do and not losing yourself in the process! Let's do this!!
I am stepping into that vision. I want to be a speaker to share my story and to help others who may have similar situations in their lives. I want people to be empowered and equipped not overwhelmed and immobilized. Yesterday and today, I have been given the opportunity to begin that journey. In just 48 hours, I have received 4 opportunities to share my story and my mission with others on a large scale. Just 3 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this even though it is what I desired. But today, I embrace these opportunities and I can't wait to get started! I feel like I am up to the task and I'm ready to be the person that can carry my message. When you are better equipped to do your job, you make more confident decisions and you work from a place of empowerment. You are happier and more relaxed. In turn, the people around you are happier and more relaxed too and you have more peace of mind.
November is National Caregiver Month. I will be very busy letting family caregivers know that even though it is sometimes a lonely and isolated place from which you do your work as a caregiver, you are not alone. There is a community out here that can strengthen you and help you carry the weight of your load. I feel the support of the community already. And I am looking forward to sharing this with others all over Central Florida and beyond.
The theme for this year is respite. It is a mental and physical break from the responsibilities of caregiving in which the caregiver gets to relax and recharge. That break gives you renewed strength and energy to get back into your work rejuvenated. It's not a dream. It should be reality. And it should be done on some sort of a regular basis. There are as many different ways for respite as there are caregivers and each person knows what it takes to recharge their batteries. My hope is to help as many as I can to open their minds and remember what jazzes them and let them know it's ok to do that for themselves. Ultimately, it helps the one they take care of too. So cheers to you for the job you do and not losing yourself in the process! Let's do this!!
Caring for Family Caregivers
The company is born! I am a successful business owner! (I will call it into being) Caring for Family Caregivers is here to help other family caregivers know that they are not alone. They have others that they can get information from and rely on. And if they need individual help, I can take them on as a client and develop a personal care plan that they can follow to get control of their personal caregiving situation.
I am starting off small but I think that is probably for the best since I am the only employee. But I believe I have everything I need to get this going. I have mad a number of contacts. And there tons more that I need to meet in order to bring the best information to the people who need it. There are way too many of us for us to be in the dark and searching for answers to questions. People just need to be linked in order to find the answers that already exist. You don't have to re-invent the wheel and start from scratch for each and every thing that you do for the person that you are caring for. 90 million caregivers in the United States and most of them feel insolated and alone in their caregiving. This has got to change. And it can change right here. Right now.
And can I take two seconds to say RESPITE. Small intervals of doing what you like to do for yourself and nobody else does wonders for your mental and physical state of being. You cannot give what you don't have. So, you have to re-charge. You are important. You do make a difference. Many people don't know where they would be and what they would do without you. So cherish yourself as much as others cherish you and honor your feelings and needs. RESPITE is not a nice-to-have. It's a gotta-have! So, plan it or steal it or run out and get some! I want to build some respite activities into the Caring for Family Caregivers package. I am big into coupons and gift certificates for restaurants and local activities. So, I want to have some of those to give to people so that they get some respite. I am also a big sports fan. So, I want to be able to give away tickets to a game every once in a while too. It makes such a big difference when you can go cheer for a team and blow off some steam. We are going to make this thing happen! And our loved ones will be better for it.
I am starting off small but I think that is probably for the best since I am the only employee. But I believe I have everything I need to get this going. I have mad a number of contacts. And there tons more that I need to meet in order to bring the best information to the people who need it. There are way too many of us for us to be in the dark and searching for answers to questions. People just need to be linked in order to find the answers that already exist. You don't have to re-invent the wheel and start from scratch for each and every thing that you do for the person that you are caring for. 90 million caregivers in the United States and most of them feel insolated and alone in their caregiving. This has got to change. And it can change right here. Right now.
And can I take two seconds to say RESPITE. Small intervals of doing what you like to do for yourself and nobody else does wonders for your mental and physical state of being. You cannot give what you don't have. So, you have to re-charge. You are important. You do make a difference. Many people don't know where they would be and what they would do without you. So cherish yourself as much as others cherish you and honor your feelings and needs. RESPITE is not a nice-to-have. It's a gotta-have! So, plan it or steal it or run out and get some! I want to build some respite activities into the Caring for Family Caregivers package. I am big into coupons and gift certificates for restaurants and local activities. So, I want to have some of those to give to people so that they get some respite. I am also a big sports fan. So, I want to be able to give away tickets to a game every once in a while too. It makes such a big difference when you can go cheer for a team and blow off some steam. We are going to make this thing happen! And our loved ones will be better for it.
Taking off the Training Wheels
I am so excited that my first wine event is happening tomorrow. This idea was hatched from my brain about 5 years ago. It was originally going to be part of a "Mommy and Me" get together where we kids would bring our Moms together for a little social gathering. While the Moms were together talking about what Moms talk about, we kids would be out on the back porch sampling wines and spilling our guts. There would be a handout to take home in the form of a card with a tip on it. These cards would go in a box so that you would always have them when you needed them. Because we are all about adding more to your toolbox. So, from that idea comes tomorrow night's incarnation actually out at a local establishment. It's going to be so cool! I just can't wait! I think getting out and meeting other caregivers really helps you to feel better about the job that you chose to do caring for someone in the first place. And it's really nice to get different perspectives on your current situation. Sometimes people share insights that you may not have noticed.
So for the next 18 hours, I'm living for 5pm!!
So for the next 18 hours, I'm living for 5pm!!
All Good
It's really nice to see that I am not the only one who cares. I decided this year that I would stop fighting harder for people than they were willing to fight for themselves. The morning after the crazy breadstick incident, my Mom decided when she heard that her waking blood sugar was in the high 200's that she would take it easy on the carbs and increase her fluid intake to help herself get her blood sugar back to a more healthy range. I didn't have to say a word the whole day. And I didn't. I was just so happy that she realized that she had temporarily lost her damn mind. The night before, she made everyone feel like we were being unfair to her when in reality, she was a breadstick eating fiend (temporarily). I'm pretty proud of her for taking control of her own situation and owning her situation. With that attitude, she will have a number of good years ahead.
Damn - What a Night!!!
Always be thankful for a new day. As long as you see one, it's gonna be a good day. Please always keep that in mind. There are many things that can come acroos your path in the course of a day. But if you had the chance to see another day, you are on the good side. Doesn't matter how you face it or what time you join in. Just make sure you are there.
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