Slow Down and Listen

We arrived early for Mom's first visit to CORE for the new year.  My Mom told me that she didn't want to participate at CORE on this day. After we had already driven 30 minutes to get there through midday traffic on a highway that is under construction.   She just wanted to stay home and watch a movie. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to be specific. She said she wanted me to watch it with her.  I was a little deflated when she brought up that she just didn’t feel like doing anything that day. But I honored her wishes and we went back home. I figured she was just a little comfortable since the holidays. That was her pass. After we got to the house, I had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon.  When I got home at the end of my workday, I asked if she had watched the movie and she told me no.  She was waiting for me to watch with her. 

The month of January is very busy for me at work. I have had 2 or more events a week during this month. This means that I get home well after dinner time and only manage to have dinner with Mommy about 2 or 3 nights a week. I wake up and leave for work and she is asleep and many times I come home and she is asleep. So we have not spent a lot of time together this month.  

So for the last 2 weeks, every time we get into the car to go to CORE, she asks if we really have to go. And then I go from frustrated because I am going to a lot of effort to get her there twice a week to a pep talk to get her ready to go and be ready to give it her all when we get there.  

On this last Friday, we didn't even make it out of the front door of the house and she said, “Do we have to go to CORE today?”  I got very frustrated and asked her, “Are we going to do this every time we get ready to go to CORE? This needs to stop!”   

When we got in the car, she told me that she didn't mean that she did not want to go. She meant that since I was off from work, there were many things we could do together and places we could go that would be fun instead of going to CORE. 

Then I thought OH!!!  What she is saying is that she wants to spend some quality time with me. And that she has missed me since I have been away so much this month. I thought about what it must be like to only leave the house for medical reasons. How boring!  There are a million other places to go on the planet. She was right.

When she had all of her abilities, she used to decide that we were going to the movies and that we would see whatever was starting when we got there. And on this particular day she wanted to go to the movies after CORE and she told me we will see whatever is starting when we get there. We ended up seeing a good film. Not really one we had heard of before.  But we were pleasantly surprised by it.

On Saturday, we went to the movies on purpose and saw Hidden Figures. It was a great movie and we had a really good time together. Mommy was in the government at the time that the story took place. So of course after the film, I asked her a lot of questions about what her experience was during the 50's and 60's working in the US Government. 

After the movies, we went home and I had to go into work for about 3 hours. When I got home I went in and sat with Mommy for a little while. She said that she had a great day with me and that it was really fun. I am happy that I listened to more than her words and I heard her heart and was able to stop and take some time to spend with her.

I forgot that my work schedule affects more people than just me. The CNA's who have to spend more hours with my Mom. My Mom who goes days without seeing me. My friends who lose touch during my busier times at work.   I have to keep this in mind in the future and try to be more mindful of those around me.  Call home in the middle of the day just to say Hi and check on how things are going.  And make an effort to add some fun into those longer stretches after I have been unavailable.

It's a good tired

I don't want to let this moment pass without honoring it.  Today is Wednesday and I just got back from a great 4 day vacation on Monday.  I went to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.  I had a very relaxing time.  I got sun, sleep, massage, drinks and laughs with some wonderful family members that I don't see often enough.  And I returned home to amped up mayhem.  It seems it's time to pump out the septic tank.  But no one here at home thought that I should be alerted or forewarned while enjoying my  4 days away.  I guess that was nice of them to not bother me with the news.  So I came home on high alert.  Tuesday I called about having the work done and was told that it could be done on Wedensday. But until they get here, no running of the dishwasher or clothes washer because that can cause problems that no one wants to clean up.  So for the last two nights I have been taking clothes to a local laundromat to wash them.  Then I bring them home to dry them and put them away.  I had that honor tonight because the company slid me to tomorrow's schedule instead on coming today for the pump out.  This extra task has made for some late nights.

I'm tired.  But it's a good tired.  It think the vacation put me in a mood that makes this ok.  God knows what He's doing even when we don't.  I was also very concerned about paying bills on time with depleted funds.  And in the last 24 hours, I have found 2 accounts that I didn't even know I had!  Once again God knows what He's doing even when we don't.

My Mom has been resting during prime time. She watches TV, gets drowsy and cranks the volume up on the TV because she says she can't hear it.  The reality is that she is asleep!  So cranking up the volume will keep her more alert.  Three times I came in the kitchen door and thought the TV in the family room next door was on only to find that the TV in her room was up to a volume of 40!  Two of these 3 times, she had a CNA sitting right next to her letting this happen like everything was normal.  Ugh!!!  I just go in and turn it back down.  Most times there is a mini lecture that goes with this activity.  "Why does the TV have to be so loud?", I say.  And she replies, "because I can't hear it!"  And we play this game each time.  Then, when I sit down in the room with her, she falls asleep peacefully with the colume at a normal level.  I'm tired.  But it's a good tired.

I'm looking forward to being first on the schedule tomorrow so that this cycle can stop and I can rest once more.  But I do note that every one of my concerns is being handled.  And I don't have to worry.  I can take all of this in stride.  I know who is in control and I have been equipped for what lies ahead in any situation.

I just wanted to share that.

Are things falling to pieces? Or are the pieces falling into place?

I was urged to think about this when a friend of mine posted a saying to the effect of sometimes when it looks like things are falling to pieces, it's really the pieces falling into place.  When I find myself in the position where things are falling to pieces I am usually such a wreck that I can't remember the situation.  It is difficult, distressing, shocking to me that I am not in control and cannot stop the avalanche or tidal wave I see approaching that covers everything in it's wake.  But I do have one instance that was a little frightening but not so scarring that I have blocked it from my memory.  So, I will share in this blog.

I am a bowler.  I have been competing since I was a kid.  My Dad was a youth bowling coach for over 50 years and coached both me and my 2 brothers for our entire lives.  I compete annually in the Women's National Championship tournament as an amateur.  So, in 2015, I was scheduled to bowl in my 20th Nationals tournament on Reno, NV in June. My entry was confirmed and paid for by February of that year.  I had a team with 4 spots on it for bowlers.  Sometimes it is a little challenging to get 3 other people to share in your vision and form a team.  People have a hard time with getting the time off of work or away from home.  They have challenges paying for the flight and hotel.  They have challenges paying for the tournament entry.  So, when you lock in your team, you have already done a fair bit of work.  For this tournament, I was only able to fill my roster with 3 bowlers.  I got a half of a commitment from a 4th person.  But when it came time to pay for things and buy a plane ticket, the truth came out and she was unable to travel with us.  So, it's not so bad to have one opening on the team.  There's a substitution bulletin board at the tournament site for this kind of dilemma.  It wouldn't be the first time that I had been on a team that had to grab a sub at the tournament.  And we were bowling in the event about halfway through the full window of the competition.  The tournament ran for months and ended in July.  We were bowling at the beginning of June.  So, there should be subs available. So, then, we were 3.  So, as we were booking flights, the 3rd bowler looked at the days that we were flying and realized that she was scheduled to bowl a different tournament, in a different city in Nevada over the same dates.  There was no replacing her either.  So, we had gotten one sub before at a tournament.  How hard could it be to get two subs for the team event?  All we can do is try.

The two of us remaining on the team secured our room and our flights.  I was travelling with the best doubles partner and travelling companion in the whole world.  We have travelled together for just about a decade.  So, we have a great time. We share common interests like casinos, cocktails and good food, fine Vegas entertainment and relaxing at the spa.  We have never had a bad trip.  We always find the fun no matter what we are doing.  Flight delays don't steal our joy.  Lost luggage doesn't phase us.  We always have a great time in every situation.  Because of this, we always plan a trip to Reno paired with a trip to Vegas.  Hey!  We made it all the way out there!  We might as well make the most of it!  So, 2 days in Reno and 3 days in Vegas and our trip itinerary was complete.

 

 So, both me and my bowling bestie have responsibilities to our Moms.  They help us out and we take care of them when they need it.  Jodi's Mom helps her with her kids tremendously and Jodi stays on top of what her Mom's medical needs are.   During this particular year, Jodi's Mom had been having a variety of problems with her knees, her heart, her gall bladder and general feelings on lethargy. Oh, and blood clots!  She had been in and out of the hospital during the year.  But she was at a good point as we were planning to leave for our trip.  But as fate would have it, she went into the hospital 2 weeks before our trip for a one week stay.  We were still hoping that she would have her strength back and be able to hold things down at the house while we were gone.  She reassured Jodi that she was fine and that she should go to the tournament with no worries.  But you know how you get the feeling that someone is putting on a front?  That their words and actions don't exactly match up?  That's the impression that Jodi got.  And the night before the flight, she told me that she was going to have to stay home just to be sure everything was OK with her Mom.  Of course, I was disappointed in my own selfish way.  But I did understand and hoped that everything would work out.  That in the morning,  her Mom would spring out of bed, tell Jodi she felt like a million bucks and that she should hurry and catch her flight!  Nope.  Not so much.  I flew out to Reno for my 20th tournament all alone.  No cheering section.  No back up.  No support.  No team.

This was completely new for me.  Every one of the other 19 years, I had travelled with a team to go to Nationals.  (except that one year where I worked all the way up to the day before the event and had to fly in on the morning that we bowled team).

I got to Reno and checked in at my hotel.  I got something to eat and then went to the National Bowling Stadium to see if I could find a team to bowl with.  There was a team from New Jersey that needed one bowler.  So, I called them and they offered me their open spot.  Whew!  I was going to compete for the 20th consecutive tournament!!  They bowled at the times that I was scheduled to bowl originally too.  So, my squad times were the same. The tournament office removed my team entry for the tournament and moved it to 2016.  So, my spot for the following year was secured.  That was a bonus!  The 2016 tournament was going to be in Las Vegas and would most likely be a sell out because of the change in venue to one of the best cities on the planet.  That night, I played Blackjack (as usual), won money (as usual), and went to bed (not as usual).  Usually on my first night, I would play until the sun came up and take my bankroll back to the room to use for the rest of my trip or I would play until I gave back all of the money the nice dealers had pushed to my side of the table.

The next day was the late afternoon squad of the team event.  I lounged during the day.  Ate a big midday meal at Hash House A-Go-Go and washed it down with a Bloody Mary – the BLT one. Yummy!  I made my way next door to the bowling stadium and met up with my team.  Really nice ladies!  They gave me a shirt to wear- just for the event.  There’s an award if your team dresses the same at Nationals.  My partner Cheryl was a very cool person to meet.  We had great conversations.  We took our team picture before the squad started, entered the brackets and sat down for the pre-game meeting where the tournament officials greet you, tell you where all of the participants on your squad are from and the give out PARTCIPATION AWARDS.  First timers to the tournament get a warm welcome.  But if you have been in 20 or more consecutive tournaments, you get a pin, patch or plaque.  This was my year to get a pin.

I was so happy that I had actually made it to 20 consecutive tournaments.  There were lots of obstacles along the way (finances, accommodations, time off from work, finding a team), but I made it!  And I bowled pretty well on the first day.  When I sub with a team, I would feel like a failure if I did not bowl my average for the 3 games.  The team had spent the day golfing and they were spent.  I did better than average.  On the second day for doubles and singles, I really did well with a 602 as my high series in singles and a 1675 for all-events for the weekend.  I had my highest finish ever in the tournament.  3^rd place in my division in singles and 5^th in all-events.  I truly felt like things were completely falling apart as I made this trip into the unknown in a familiar setting.  The experience caused me to stretch and grow and reach new heights.

For the 2016 tournament,   we are in Las Vegas to compete and to play – all with one plane ride this year.  We leave in the morning and there are only 2 of us.  But we know we will find a few subs and have another one of the best trips that we have ever had! I have a good feeling about this year. I will let you know how we do.



Hold on tight. Here we go!

I have heard that one touch of God's favor can put you years ahead in bringing you closer to your destiny.  Well, there is favor on my life.  I have a vision of what I want to create and where I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I have done two vision boards for this year - one in fhe first month of the year that laid things out generally and one done mid-year to sharpen the vision to the next set of things I want to achieve.  This week, I have started to see that vision materialize.

I am stepping into that vision.  I want to be a speaker to share my story and to help others who may have similar situations in their lives.  I want people to be empowered and equipped not overwhelmed and immobilized.  Yesterday and today, I have been given the opportunity to begin that journey.  In just 48 hours, I have received 4 opportunities to share my story and my mission with others on a large scale.  Just 3 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this even though it is what I desired.  But today, I embrace these opportunities and I can't wait to get started!  I feel like I am up to the task and I'm ready to be the person that can carry my message.  When you are better equipped to do your job, you make more confident decisions and you work from a place of empowerment.  You are happier and more relaxed.  In turn, the people around you are happier and more relaxed too and you have more peace of mind.

November is National Caregiver Month.  I will be very busy letting family caregivers know that even though it is sometimes a lonely and isolated place from which you do your work as a caregiver, you are not alone.  There is a community out here that can strengthen you and help you carry the weight of your load.  I feel the support of the community already.  And I am looking forward to sharing this with others all over Central Florida and beyond.

The theme for this year is respite.  It is a mental and physical break from the responsibilities of caregiving in which the caregiver gets to relax and recharge.  That break gives you renewed strength and energy to get back into your work rejuvenated.  It's not a dream.  It should be reality.  And it should be done on some sort of a regular basis.  There are as many different ways for respite as there are caregivers and each person knows what it takes to recharge their batteries.  My hope is to help as many as I can to open their minds and remember what jazzes them and let them know it's ok to do that for themselves. Ultimately, it helps the one they take care of too.  So cheers to you for the job you do and not losing yourself in the process!  Let's do this!!