Things I see and feel today

It is a very interesting time right now.  Mommy is in CCU. Cardiac Care unit.  Critical Care unit is how it feels.  Life and death decisions are being made here everyday.  In some ways, I don't think we need to be here.  She still has a lot of capacity. She spends time alert and engaged.  She is not on any pain medication.  She responds to let you know how she feels.  But in other ways, she really needs to be here because of the difficulties she is having with respiration and her heart.  She tires quickly and often.  They are still pulling fluid out of her that has accumulated in her lungs making them weak.  Her heart is not working to its optimal potential.   It really is a waiting game and a race against time.  It feels like active limbo. And in rooms all around her, other families are saying goodbye and some families are moving to step down rooms in other areas of the hospital.  Critical is real life all around us.

I am just hoping that I am not missing my lessons from all of this.  And I am praying that rest = healing for my Mom.  I do not feel like I am doing nothing.  I know why I am here.  Every day or every two days, there is a new staff working on this floor with her.  So, I am here to be her voice while she does not have one.  Each new person has an opinion of my Mom from notes left on her chart and from conversations from the shift before.  But they don't really get to know who she is until I have a conversation with them. Then things shift ever so slightly for the better.  I sit during the day and I call at night.  I know she would do the same thing for me.

And I am a believer in the power of prayer and the miracles of God.  So, unlike the professionals that I talk to each day, I really believe that she can come through this and be restored.  I know that she believes as well.  Sometimes it's hard to stand firm. But I am doing it.  I do get frustrated with some who don't share my point of view.  But I have always been a "glass half full" kind of girl.  I think I always will be.  Because nothing and no one can take my joy.  I am always going to see the bright side. Always!  And I also know that we get to start fresh each and every day.  So, here's to the hope that tomorrow brings!