Time Marches On

This weekend will be my first Mothers Day without my Mom being able to receive a balloon and a card.  The first one that I don't make her whatever she wants to eat.  The first one in many years that I will not buy her a new outfit.  I will remember her fondly and the many things that she did and said to me to make me feel special.  I will remember her style and her smile.  Her sense of humor and the sound of her laughter.

I am going to be with the rest of my family during this time because we have so much to celebrate.  My oldest nephew is graduating from law school.  His sister will celebrate a birthday next week.  I have another nephew graduating from high school in the next 2 weeks.  And I am always in celebration mode when I am around my great niece.  She is an 18 month old ball of energy and attitude.  I love all of my family so much.  But with all of this happiness, my heart breaks that my Mom isn't physically here to be a part of the party.  She loved a good party.  And tried to never miss a good one.

I know in my heart and soul, that each time we smile and each time we cry and each time we embrace and share our love, my Mom is there with us.  And it will all be ok.  I hope I can help the young ones to feel the love and share laughter while they feel the loss.  It's so good that we will be together and so sucks that we will feel the big hole left with both matriarchs missing.  I am preparing to be unprepared for this ebb and flow of emotions.  And I will just roll with it. I have never been in this space before so whatever happens is just fine.  It's time to take it easy on myself once again while looking forward to the whole experience.