Mommy & Me

PCU

So the hospitalization continues. Thankfully, Mommy made it out of ICU. She is now in PCU, the medical progressive care unit. She has been in this unit for going on 7 days now. It allows eyes on her regularly and it allows the rapid response team (from ICU) to pop in on her and see how she is doing. She is still using the bipap at night to be able to breathe more easily. And during the day, she has the oxygen tube in her nose. The biggest problem with that it that the machine is so loud that she stays awake at night when wearing it. Then she needs her rest and sleeps most of the day. So, it seems that the heart issues are serious enough to need immediate attention. There should be a procedure done within the next few days to help her blood flow which could help her clear her lungs and get back on track. So, during this phase, I have learned a few things. I am the expert on the topic of my Mom. The people here in the hospital have never seen her before. They don't know what a good day looks like. And I have to stand up and speak for her when she cannot speak for herself. I am very grateful for the people who work with us daily who stay with my Mom each day. They have been so wonderful at keeping me informed when I was not sitting in the room. I am also grateful for family who are actively interested in what's going on here in Florida. And I am grateful for the prayer warriors and those who may be praying for the first time in order to do what they can to help. I also learned that I can spend hours away from the hospital and feel good about my decision. I have spent every night sleeping in my own bed. We only live minutes from the hospital. So, I stay until about midnight (earlier some nights) and then go home to bed. That has helped me feel good taking care of my cats, having all of my stuff around me getting ready in the morning. And I feel better rested with no sounds of beeping, chimes of all kinds, carts rolling or random conversations. Then I have a better mental status and I have to have that to make decisions that I will be able to live with. I have also learned what is most important. I know what is important by what has fallen to the wayside during the last couple of weeks. Laundry is not that important (yet). Cooking once a week has worked out really well for me. I am knocking on wood because I have not been late on any bills. And I am learning how to work from just about anywhere. I am practicing being present. I am only going to commit to being in one place at a time. It does not do me any good to be at work or at my home and mentally walking the halls of the hospital. And it doesn't do me any good to be anxious while I am sitting in the hospital room because I feel like I should be somewhere else doing something else. I take breaks and walk to the lobby. I go down to the cafeteria. I don't torture myself staying put if I don't have to. And food and water are essential to life. So, I have been packing snacks and eating meals ( at least twice a day). I had to start somewhere, right? I have not told a lot of people locally that Mommy is in the hospital. She is not in the kind of environment where she can receive food or flowers. And to tell you the truth, visitors take a lot of energy to entertain and Mommy just doesn't have a lot of energy right now. And I am not a good hostess in this environment. I feel more like a protective mama bear than the hostess with the mostest. So, the circle is pretty small right now. And I am good with this. More later... Much love.

I See You

My Mom is currently in the hospital. She has pneumonia, congestive heart failure, aortic stenosis (narrowing of the aortic valve), and lots of fluid in her lungs in addition to the pneumonia. She is in the ICU and has been there for 3 days so far. It is a long road to get rid of this nastiness. And it seems I am way more patient than the patient. She didn't even think she needed to go to the ER much less be admitted into the hospital or go to ICU. So, needless to say, she is ready to go home every minute of every day. Currently, she needs support to get deep breaths. So, she is using a mask similar to a CPAP but the machine is bigger. It's called a Bi PAP. The best thing for her is rest. She needs to stay calm to heal. But she is anxious when she is awake. This is a very tough time for her and for me watching this unfold. I know she can kick this even though there are a lot of things that are not in her favor at the moment. As the infection goes away, I know she will get stronger. It's hard to see her so uncomfortable. It's hard giving updates to family and friends daily. It's hard making a schedule that works. It's hard knowing what the priority should be. It's hard knowing where I should focus my attention. It's hard to focus period. My hours awake are really starting to outweigh my sleeping hours (not that they were ever really balanced.) Sleep and prayer are the two most important factors for me and for Mommy. As I am writing this at nearly 1AM, I am going to sleep now and start fresh tomorrow with prayer for the best direction. More later...

Exactly What It Takes

It's getting very close to the time that I leave for vacation. I want to be able to take a mental and physical vacation away from home with no caregiving responsibilities. There are a lot of things that I am going to do in order to be able to spend a care-free time on vacation and be completely present and in the moment.

I made arrangements 6 months ago with family members to come and stay with my Mom while I go away. And this week, I confirmed that we are still on track with the plans. Since I will be gone for 12 days, I needed two relatives to come for part-time each. I will leave tips and hints, directions on where the chocolate stash is kept and a regular daily schedule document for them to refer to. I will also leave the addresses for Mom's therapy location and our church so that they can take her while I am away.

I am going to load 2 med cases to cover two weeks of time. In addition to family members, I have also done as much as I can (barring no emergencies) to make sure that all of the regular CNA's are in place to work on the days when I am gone.

I am doing a menu plan for the whole 12 days and cooking and freezing dinners for 5 - 7 nights.

I am leaving a stash of cash for emergency pizza or Chinese food.

I have stocked up on all supplies for personal care and made sure that all medications are in the supply needed.

And I have to pay the bills for the month before I go. If I don't everything for the month will have a late fee attached to it. And we can't have that!!

More than all of this, it has been most important to keep my Mom abreast of the happenings and to remind her of when I will be gone and who is coming to stay with her. And the second most important thing is convincing myself that everything will be fine. I have done enough. I have nothing to worry about. The people at the house have got the helm. I will be off duty with no worries.

It seems like a lot to be able to walk out of the house and have no worries. But I really want that feeling of having no worries and I will go to great lengths in order to make that feeling happen because I need it and because I deserve it. And it has been more than 10 years since I have had this opportunity. There is no such thing as just taking off on a whim anymore. Those days are long gone for a good, long while. This trip is the closest I have come since 2005. And this one sure wasn't just a whim. It has taken, motivation, belief, planning, strategy and lots of help from many different people. And it is about to become reality. I am so so ready!!!

So, I have a lot left to do. But I am highly motivated to get stuff done and take the break that I deserve. I will take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Ciao for now!

Two Years! Can you believe it!?

Over the years of taking care of my Mom, I learned an awful lot as I navigated through getting the right paperwork to get things done on her behalf, relocating her from MD to FL, selling her house, investing her money, learning how to get answers from medical professionals, making friends with the pharmacist, trusting home health agencies and workers, helping to create a social circle for her, helping to keep her motivated and engaged, working through emotions and frustrations that I had in expecting things from family members and friends. I never thought that all of these changes would come upon a person and there would be no one resource to help guide you through these things. I was lucky enough to have others who had been through similar situations share their experiences and key learnings with me to make my road a bit easier. And from the very beginning, I felt that no one should have to do this alone; without a sounding board or someone to give them direction in getting started; someone to help sift through the many thoughts that arise of doubt and confusion about whether you can even handle being a caregiver.
As I found my voice in speaking up on behalf of my Mom, I also raised my voice to speak to others beginning their journey as family caregivers. Instead of being a silent, solitary mass of individuals, I think we should be a visible, vocal community that supports one another and shares our good, bad and ugly in order to be better for those that we care for. And that’s how Caring for Family Caregivers was brought into being. I hope that I am living up to this purpose and serving the community well.
As I start a new year with this company, I will continue to bring more efficiencies, education, information and support to family caregivers. For those of you who have been on this journey with me, thank you for your belief in me and for your support of Caring for Family Caregivers activities. Thank you for spreading the word that Caring for Family Caregivers exists and thank you for allowing me to serve you since 2015. I am looking forward to bigger and better things in the future.

Stay In Your Lane

I am reminded on this Friday morning that there are some crucial evaluation measures that I am responsible for taking periodically. So, today, as I prepare to go to bowl in the Women's Nationals Tournament in Baton Rouge, I have some decisions to make. Going on a trip as a family caregiver is a little different than going as a single lady and different than just a family vacation. There are considerations that need to be made for the home front in order for me to have peace of mind while I am gone. So, as I go down my "to do" list of things to be done in the house (laundry, packing, filling the med case for extra days, paying caregivers before I leave so that I don't miss pay dates, re-stocking supplies needed for my Mom's care), I have to consider, "what is most important?", "how can I consolidate the errand run I have to make?", "when will I stop doing things so I have enough time to relax and get myself ready to go?" What I am really reminded of is that just because I am capable of many things, it doesn't mean that I should be doing all of those things. I need to stay in my lane and let others handle their own. This is a very liberating thought. I need to stay on task in a few key areas: household management, homecare management, self-care management. It doesn't do me any good to nearly kill myself getting ready to go away for 3 days. I will be no good while I am away and I won't have my head in the game. So, today, I am only doing what is most important. I am organizing my tasks by location so that I don't spend my time running around town today. And I am scheduling non-priority items for other days in the coming week. There are some live online activities that I am slated to participate in. But I may have to catch some portions later on my 9 hour car ride. This is so much better of a plan than trying to get everything done before I go with no good pattern of how to make it all happen. This way I know all of the priorities are taken care of. I will be completely present today. 100% where I am - not looking into the future; not worrying about what is not getting done at the moment. But fully engaged and 100% in the present. Alright...It's time to make stuff happen!!

Starting to See Results

I think I am starting to feel a connection to working out regularly and being aware of what I should eat. Notice, I didn’t say that I feel the connection to eating the right foods in the right portion sizes. Because I am not all together there yet. But I do understand that if I get it together, I could experience some greater success. I am beginning to see the physical results of working out regularly. It turns out that regularly for me has turned out to be 3 – 4 days a week for weights and cardio. Daily, I am more cognizant that I feel better when I maintain the schedule that includes a workout with a trainer at the start of the week and a workout every other day on my own. And now I am finding that I have to wear a belt with my pants again. I am not seeing a lot of pounds dropping when I stand on the scale. But I am noticing monthly that I have a lower BMI (less body fat). And I have fewer jiggly spots. I think I like seeing the physical changes and it makes it more motivating for me to keep going.

Real Change Takes Real Effort

I am coming to the end of the time that I have been working with the nutritionist. I have all the tools I need to be successful in eating in a healthy, complete, nutritious, portion-controlled way. So, it really is all up to me to do it. I have not been as diligent as I can be with it. But now that I am about to be released to continue on this journey alone, I need to put my practice into action instead of it just being theory. I have also added exercise into the mix. And I have had the same kind of feelings. I think I want success to just happen. I was not really willing to put in the kind of effort that would be considered EFFORT. I think, for both of these components, I was just kind of going through the motions. But I recognize that I need to step up my game and stop hiding with all the other people in the world who are ordinary and just walking through it. I need to face the facts that: I am determined. I can succeed in amazing ways. I am not ashamed to be successful. And I am not ashamed to be outstanding!! For a week I have been wrestling with breaking out of the mold and really shining or just mixing in and being average and less than my fully realized self. It's really not about being perfect. It's about giving it all that I have for me - by me and not selling myself short or dumbing down for others to be comfortable. I am making small gains now. But big things are just around the corner. I am coming to claim what's mine!!